When people suffer, they may feel emotions they never felt before. They may ask questions they had never thought to ask. They may say things they never dared to say before. They may repeat the same stories or ask the same questions over and over again. Through it all, they need someone who loves them enough to listen.

In order to know how you can encourage your friend’s heart, you will need to become a perceptive listener. Listen for key words, a different tone of voice, or a change in emphasis that reveals whether your friend is currently on level ground, on an uphill climb, or headed for a downhill slide. Listen carefully to know whether you should ask questions that will lead your friend to share deeper emotions, or whether it is best to tune your heart to hear every nuance of your friend’s silence.

If you tend to take the lead in conversations, learn to set aside your “itinerary.” You may assume your friend wants to talk about an upcoming treatment or recent test result. Your friend, on the other hand, may want to set aside the “heavy” stuff and talk about the latest movie or laugh about a shared memory. Allow your friend to lead your ears and heart into the territory he or she has chosen. You may be in for a surprising journey!