In the last issue of The Encourager, we shared about the importance of bearing one another’s burdens. We uncovered some of the pain that those who suffer must bear and showed how much more difficult—if not impossible—it is to bear that burden alone. In this issue, we want to further explore what it means to bear one another’s burdens. We want to point those who would be encouragers in the right direction so that they can be the blessing God intends them to be in the lives of those who suffer.... (continued)

It is no accident that the book of Job—a story of suffering—was one of the first books of the Bible to be written. In one awful day, Job lost his livestock, his servants, his children, and not long afterward, he lost his health. When his friends came to see him, they honored his overwhelming pain by sitting on the ground with him and weeping “for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great” (Job 2:13).

Although Job’s friend... (continued)

Key to Walking the Path of Encouragement
Words that Honor Pain

• I love you.
• I cannot begin to understand the pain you are feeling, but I’m here to be with you.
• I know I can’t make your pain go away, but I want to help.
• Would you like to talk?
• Can I give you a hug?
• Tell me how you really feel. I want to know.
• Do you want to be alone, or would you like a friend nearby?
• I can see that you are hurting, do you want someone to cry with?(continued)

The Faces of Pain

• Physical pain–Cancer patients often endure tremendous physical pain as a result of their illness. In addition, they often must live in the battleground of surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy with the accompanying stitches, sunburns, and sick stomachs.
• Emotional pain–The cancer patient and family also face the pain of adjusting to major life changes. Their daily routine is often turned upside down. Family relationships change. In the all-consuming battle... (continued)

If we’re to help bear the burden for a suffering friend, honesty about failures, shortcomings, and expectations is essential. We feel uncomfortable when we don’t have the answers to life’s difficult problems. We want to hide when we feel we have failed. We tend to bury painful disappointments. These natural responses (from the one who is suffering as well as from those who would be encouragers) can break down close relationships at the very time we need them the most.

As encouragers, ... (continued)

True friends give of themselves for one another. Giving up one’s self is essential when we seek to encourage a friend who is suffering from cancer or other long-term physical condition. It may mean setting aside my agenda and taking on my friend’s agenda. It may mean laying down my free time and giving it to my friend. It may mean laying down my opinion on a matter and allowing my friend’s opinion to take center stage.

It isn’t easy to give up one’s self. We are inherently selfish. No... (continued)

Key to Walking the Path of Encouragement 
Sometimes those who suffer can’t even think of what another person could do to help. The following questions might enable your friend to express his or her needs.

• When may I take your children on an outing (to the park, fishing, ball game, camping, out for pizza or ice cream—you fill in the blank)?
• What errands may I run for you?
• What undone chores around the house are weighing on you?
• What is your favorite me... (continued)

Practical Ways to Bear the Burden, Lighten the Load

• The act of kindness that ministers to me the most is when someone prepares a meal for me. I know the love and the sacrifice of time that goes into preparing it.
    Judy Lattman
• It meant so much for friends to come and sit with us or listen to us if we needed to talk or cry. To know that someone had cleared a busy schedule to come to our side, to be with us was the most tangible display of “denying self” that ... (continued)

When people suffer, they may feel emotions they never felt before. They may ask questions they had never thought to ask. They may say things they never dared to say before. They may repeat the same stories or ask the same questions over and over again. Through it all, they need someone who loves them enough to listen.

In order to know how you can encourage your friend’s heart, you will need to become a perceptive listener. Listen for key words, a different tone of voice, or a change ... (continued)

Key to Walking the Path of Encouragement
Statements and questions that a good listener will sometimes use to help a hurting friend express deep, inner feelings:

• Is anything troubling you right now? Would you like to talk about it?
• I promise not to interrupt.
• We have talked about everyone else. Now tell me, how are you doing?
• Tell me your story.
• What are you doing for yourself?
• You have my undivided attention.
• That seems difficult for you. ... (continued)

The stress and strain of serious illness brings everyone’s weaknesses to the surface—those of the patient, as well as those of caregivers and encouragers. Fear, pain, fatigue, depression, job changes, income loss, isolation, uncertainty, and other stresses can so drain a person’s energy that social norms and niceties fly right out the window. Phone calls may not be returned. Thank-yous, or even an acknowledgment of meals or flowers may not be given. Feelings are easily hurt by the lack of wha... (continued)

Many books tell us how to help those who hurt, but there is one person who showed us how to help by what He did in His own life. His name is Jesus. Throughout the Gospels—the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John in the Bible—we can read about how Jesus treated His friends and how He reached out to those who suffered from physical ailments. Much of His life on earth focused on relieving the burden of sin and pain and pointing the way to His Father.

Those of us who would be encourager... (continued)

I was sitting, torn by grief. Someone came and talked to me of God’s dealings, of why it happened, of hope beyond the grave. He talked constantly. (more...)