Several thousand years ago, a man named Job endured terrible personal suffering. In one devastating blow after another he lost his children, his wealth, and finally his health. As he sat on an ash heap and scraped the sores on his diseased body with bits of broken pottery, some friends came to visit. Job's condition was so appalling that at first his friends sat with him in silent comfort. But after a time, they each felt compelled to offer an explanation for Job's personal torment. Although ... (continued)

There is virtually no end to the things about which we can feel guilty (and subsequently miserable). And if we feel guilty, most of us automatically assume that we are guilty. But like every part of our human nature, our consciences are flawed and imperfect. Sometimes we will feel guilty when we aren't. So it is important that we learn to distinguish between true guilt and false guilt:

True guilt says, I've done something wrong that I am responsible to make right."
False guilt say... (continued)

We all know them. They live next door, go to our church, work in our office, or are part of our family. These would-be encouragers seem to know exactly what to say to push our guilt buttons. Disguised as advice or clothed in concern, their remarks cross over the line that separates mercy from manipulation.

Who are they? They are the guilt producers. And people who are suffering seem to be their favorite targets. Every day at the Outreach of Hope we hear the cries of their wounded vic... (continued)

Like so many others who have fought the battle against cancer, Dave and I discovered that when you go through suffering, you come to the end of yourself. You have more decisions to make that affect your future, but you don't know what the future holds. You need more time to rest and regroup, but you have even less time to do so. You need more money to pay the bills, but cancer may have taken away your ability to earn an income. Your children may need more security and assurance, but you may f... (continued)

Some of us, by virtue of our temperament or life experiences, tend toward shouldering the burden of false guilt. A disapproving look, a harsh word, a loved one's unmet expectations, or an unresolved conflict-any of these can slam our guilt response into overdrive. Although the following quiz is not intended to provide an in-depth analysis, it may help you identify a tendency toward assuming false guilt.

Answer "true" or "false" to each of the following statements.

1. I assume re... (continued)

When my children were small, I remember the excitement of their first steps. I met each wobbly lurch forward with enthusiastic hurrahs and hugs. They went from heavily padded bottoms to reinforced knees-shock absorbers for their anticipated tumbles and tears. I expected them to fall, to cry. I knew they were learning and delighted in each stage of their progress. That's what parents do. It's effortless to love our children, to nurture them, to delight in their growth.

We quickly forget... (continued)