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Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!
2 CORINTHIANS 9:13

Thirty-one years ago I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and my world was rocked and changed forever. I received the gift of salvation with such joy and excitement – I wanted everyone to experience that same joy. So with great exuberance, I shared the Gospel with everyone that crossed my path!

One problem though was when I became a Christian I did not understand God’s Gift of Grace. While I was always able to extend Grace to others especially those who were suffering – I was not able to extend that same Grace to my family or receive His Grace myself. UNTIL …

Last year when I was looking for a Christian book to read while I was traveling, I asked God to lead me to something new and inspiring. As I scanned my bookshelves I noticed a book entitled TrueFaced. Now this book had been on my shelf for seven years and I had never read it. Why was I now drawn to it? I did not know at the time – but I took it off the shelf and put it in my brief case to read on my flight.

As I read the book I immediately knew why God led me to this book. The book presented two paths – “The Path of Pleasing God” and “The Path of Trusting God”. I was immediately drawn to “The Path of Pleasing God.” After all, I thought, wasn’t that the more admirable path?

My eyes were opened when “The Path of Pleasing God” led me to “The Room of Good Intentions” and the word over the doorknob was “Self Effort”.

I realized that …

Self-effort was the story of my life – putting forth the effort to please God. This led to weariness and emptiness.

I was “striving hard to be all God wants me to be” but I was never able to achieve God’s standard. This led to frustration and guilt.

I was “working on my sin to achieve an intimate relationship with God” but when I would always fall short that was when I turned away from God in shame.

“Increasingly the path to pleasing God seems to be about how I can keep God pleased with me” and because I could not resolve my sin in my own power it caused me to put on masks to hide those sins. At least when I wore the masks I would be accepted in my Christian community.

My life equation was “more right behavior + less wrong behavior = Godliness.” The problem was my wrong behavior often outweighed my right behavior leading to more frustration, guilt and shame. But then “The Path of Trusting God” led me to the “Room of Grace” and the word over the this doorknob was “Humility.”

I was humbled as I learned that …

“We can never resolve our sin by working on it” – only God can resolve our sin – this leads us to victory.

“Only by trusting can we truly please God. If our primary motive is pleasing God, we’ll never please Him enough and we’ll never learn trust. Pleasing God is a good desire. It just can’t be our primary motivation or it’ll imprison our hearts” and cause us to wear masks and not be real.

“Until you trust God nothing you do will please God.” I am going to trust Him to deliver me from my sin.

“Pleasing is not a means to our godliness. It is the fruit of our godliness, for it’s the fruit of trust.”

True Grace was “Standing with God, my sin in front of us, working on it together.”

Answer this question:
Does the God who lavishly provides you with his own presence, his Holy Spirit, working things in your lives you could never do for yourselves, does he do these things because of your strenuous moral striving or because you trust him to do them in you?

The obvious impossibility of carrying out such a moral program should make it plain that no one can sustain a relationship with God that way. The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you. Habakkuk had it right:

“The person who believes God, is set right by God—and that’s the real
life.” Rule-keeping does not naturally evolve into living by faith,
but only perpetuates itself in more and more rule-keeping,
a fact observed in Scripture: “The one who does these things [rule-keeping] continues to live by them.”
GALATIANS 3:5-6,11-12 (THE MESSAGE)

Because of these revelations from God through this book, I have become a different man. God’s Grace has set me free from striving and it relieved my guilt and shame at my inability to live the perfect life. It allowed me to remove my masks so that I could trust God and others with who I truly am – warts and all. It caused me to throw myself at the feet of Jesus where I know Jesus will empathize with my weakness and I will receive His mercy and grace.

Once again my world has been rocked and changed forever – so with great joy, excitement and exuberance – I share God’s Grace with you!

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our
weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way,
just as we are—yet he did not sin.
Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence,
so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
HEBREWS 4:15-16

On the journey with you,
Dave Dravecky

(Quotations are excerpts taken from “The Cure” which is the recently updated version of “TrueFaced.”)

Grace, Grief, Healing, The Gift of Grace, Words of Endurance

Discovering God’s Grace

By Nathan Solla on

March 27, 2012

- Category : Grace, Grief, Healing, The Gift of Grace, Words of Endurance

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And God is able to make all grace abound to you.
2 CORINTHIANS 9:8

One of the most enlightening and freeing times in my personal spiritual journey was when I began discovering the gift of God’s grace. I knew that God had extended His grace to the whole human race by sending His Son, Jesus, to die as payment for our sins and to rise again so that we could have eternal life with God. But deep inside I still operated in the belief that God’s love for me had everything to with how well I performed. So when I accepted Jesus as my Savior, God’s name was added to the top of a long list of people I felt that I needed to please – people whose love I had to earn.

God didn’t allow me to operate in that belief for very long, however. While Dave and I lived in Puerto Rico, where Dave played winter ball, we participated in a Bible study on the book of Ephesians. Through that study I came to realize that God’s love for me had nothing to do with how well I performed nor was it about the works I did for Him. In fact, I learned that I couldn’t do anything to earn God’s love.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—
and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—
not by works, so that no one can boast.
EPHESIANS 2:8-9

God also knew I needed more than a revelation about His grace – I needed an object lesson. That lesson came in the form of our daughter Tiffany – who was born with a strong will. No matter how many times her will and my will collided or how unlovely she acted – my love for Tiffany was totally unaffected by her actions. My love for her amazed me and for the first time I began to understand God’s grace. Because I had such great love and grace for my child, I was finally able to understand God’s love for me as His child in spite of my weaknesses and faults.

Years later, when Dave and I went through our times of personal suffering, grace once again played a key role in my spiritual journey. Like many people who endure the varied trials that come with a cancer diagnosis, we lost control of our lives. We were hurting. We weren’t fun to be around. We didn’t look like model Christians any longer. The ugliness of pain and suffering was clearly visible in our lives. We were ashamed – we needed grace.

Although many people in our lives at that time were unable to extend that grace to us – we thank God that a few of his children extended His grace to us. They forgave, accepted and loved us as we were – with all of our pain, ugliness, anger, doubt and shame.

Instead of telling us what we should or shouldn’t do – they let us vent and they listened. Instead of condemning us – they validated our feelings and were truly sorrowful with us over what we were going through – they wept with us. Instead of abandoning us because we were not being “very Christ-like” – they stood by us and helped see us safely through to the other side. Healing came as grace was given to us.

We learned firsthand what a gift is when grace was extended to us during our time of suffering. We all need someone to reach out to us with God’s gift of grace. Grace lifts us up and gives us hope.

Grace has been called “the glue that mends our brokenness,” and in suffering our brokenness is fully exposed. Grace, then, is indispensable in times of affliction. Grace says, “I love you warts and all. I understand that pain has stripped away the veneer that covers your raw, unlovely humanity. But you are made in God’s image. You are therefore, the most precious and priceless thing in all His creation. So I will extend unwarranted love and kindness toward you because God has extended it to me.”

And because God’s grace was extended to us in such a mighty way – we extend His grace to you.

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ,
and the love of God,
and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit
be with you all.
2 CORINTHIANS 13:14

On the journey with you,
Jan Dravecky

Anger, Endurance for the Journey, Grief, Lighten Your Load, Perspectives, Trust, Words of Endurance

Lighten Your Load: Do Away With Double Pain

By Nathan Solla on

January 24, 2012

- Category : Anger, Endurance for the Journey, Grief, Lighten Your Load, Perspectives, Trust, Words of Endurance

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Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering,
as though something strange were happening to you.
1 PETER 4:12

No one wants to suffer – no one enjoys suffering – it is even worse when we are taken by surprise – blindsided by the painful trial – there is no perfect time to fit suffering into your schedule.

I found that whenever I encountered a trial or affliction, I not only would experience the pain of the affliction but I would then experience shock (I absolutely hate surprises), anger (I was angry that I even had to go through this) and then resistance to the affliction.

Then one day, in the midst of our darkest valley, a friend gave me the book, Let Go by Fenelon and I read his following words:

“A cross which comes from God ought to be welcomed without any concern for self. And when you accept your cross this way, even though it is painful, you will find that you can bear it in peace. But when you receive your cross unwillingly, you will find it to be doubly severe. The resistance within is harder to bear than the cross itself! But if you recognize the hand of God, and make no opposition to His Will, you will have peace in the midst of affliction. Happy indeed are they who can bear their sufferings with this simple peace and perfect submission to the will of God! Nothing so shortens and soothes suffering as this spirit of non-resistance.”
FRANCOIS FENELON

WOW! It was another AHA moment for me. Suddenly, I realized that not only did I carry the pain of our affliction – something that I did not choose nor could I change – but I also compounded and intensified my pain with my anger and resistance – something I chose to feel and I could change. I was choosing to carry double and triple pain when I only needed to carry the single pain of the affliction, which provided enough pain by itself.

When I finally accepted the affliction, trusted and submitted to the will of God – knowing that nothing happens to me that first does not pass through His Hands – my anger and resistance dissipated. This shift in perspective and position lightened the extra load I was carrying – I actually experienced peace in the midst of the affliction.

“Choices. Choices make the difference. Two people are in the same accident and severely wounded. They did not choose to be in the accident. It happened to them. But one of them chose to live the experience in bitterness, the other in gratitude. These choices radically influenced their lives and the lives of their families and friends. We have very little control over what happens in our lives, but we have a lot of control over how we integrate and remember what happens. It is precisely these spiritual choices that determine whether we live our lives with dignity.”
HENRI NOUWEN

We always have a Spiritual choice. Whenever we face affliction and pain, while we may initially respond with our flesh in anger and resistance, we can shed the weight of our negative emotions by turning our eyes upon Jesus – trusting Him – a Spiritual Choice. As we consider Him who endured unbelievable suffering, we, too, can endure the journey through suffering.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author, and perfecter of our faith,
who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame,
and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men,
so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”
HEBREWS 12:2-3

Endurance for the Journey, Grief, Hope, Lighten Your Load, Love, Words of Endurance

Lighten Your Load: By Establishing Your Priorities

By Nathan Solla on

January 11, 2012

- Category : Endurance for the Journey, Grief, Hope, Lighten Your Load, Love, Words of Endurance

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Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith,
let us strip off every weight that slows us down
HEBREWS 12:1

When your journey takes you into the valley of suffering, it is so important to assess the load that you are carrying and discard any needless weight. Needless weight will slow you down and eventually burn you out. I know this from my own personal experience.

I always felt responsible for everyone and everything. I honestly once believed that whatever came across my path – God wanted me to take care of. And up until we entered our valley of suffering I did a pretty good job of juggling and carrying all that life threw at us. God soon showed me how ridiculous that belief truly was.

After Dave’s comeback, the breaking of his arm and subsequent surgeries, he required a large amount of care and attention. During this time, Dave was incapacitated and unable to do anything, I was Dave’s caregiver, the single parent to our two young children and also ran our household alone.

But the load became unbearable when I also tried to continue to meet the needs of extended family, friends and even mere acquaintances. Any request that was made of me I tried to fulfill – I could not say no – I wanted to please everyone. I remember thinking – isn’t this what God expects from me?

Of course, I could not sustain that unrealistic load and I collapsed under the weight of it all. In order to be restored and endure this journey, I needed to establish what my priorities were, reassess the load I was carrying and strip off any needless weight.

I was surprised to learn that while my top priorities were my husband and my children, my own personal health was a priority too. I needed to take care of myself physically, emotionally and spiritually so that I would be strong enough to take care of Dave and the kids – this was not being selfish but selfless. What a relief – it was OK for me to take care of me!

“…love your neighbor as yourself.”
MATTHEW 19:19

I casted needless weight when I learned the truth that the extra burdens that I had been carrying had not been placed there by God but by me. God did not expect me to take care of every need that came across my path. I had the right to set boundaries and say no to lesser priorities so I would be able to take care of my higher priorities. What a revelation for me – what freedom!

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
JOHN 8:32

Praise God that He is not the taskmaster that I thought He once was! I learned the complete opposite to be true …

Then Jesus said,
“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens,
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you.
Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
MATTHEW 11:28-30

Praise God for His Truth. He helped me lighten my load and enabled me to endure. Establish your priorities – allow Him to lighten your load so that you too may endure your journey.

On the journey with you,
Jan Dravecky

Anger, Depression, Grief, In Your Darkness, Perseverance, Trust, Words of Endurance

Cling to His Promises

By Nathan Solla on

September 20, 2011

- Category : Anger, Depression, Grief, In Your Darkness, Perseverance, Trust, Words of Endurance

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I cling to you;
your right hand upholds me.
PSALM 63:8

I wanted to run away but I couldn’t. I was angry. He had me stuck between a rock and a hard place. There was no other way for me to turn but to Him. I identified with King David when he said,

You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
PSALM 139:5,7

I shook my fist at Him and cried, “Lord, I hate where I am right now and I don’t understand why. I know your Word is the Truth and the Way so I am going to turn to your Word. So watch out Lord – I am going to learn and hold you to the promises you have made to your children in your Word.”

It was good for me to be afflicted
so that I might learn your decrees.
PSALM 119:71

I had no idea what a monumental step this was for me. I memorized and clung to His promises. I hid them in my heart and cried them out to Him in my darkest hours. His promises comforted me and gave me Hope even though at times I feared they would be true for everyone else but me.

My comfort in my suffering is this:
Your promise preserves my life.
PSALM 119:50

What was most awesome was that God was faithful to every one of His promises for me even in the midst of my fear and doubt. Please know those same promises were made for you too. I urge you to cling to His promises and recall His faithfulness as the Prophet Jeremiah did in the midst of his darkness …

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
LAMENTATIONS 3:21-23

On the journey with you,
Jan Dravecky

Grief, Pain, The Wilderness Journey, Words of Endurance

When a Friend is in the Wildnerness

By jenni on

September 6, 2011

- Category : Grief, Pain, The Wilderness Journey, Words of Endurance

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by Dave Biebel

Once upon a time there lived a young pastor and his lovely family. The pastor and his wife loved each other very much. They were happy in their work and very devoted to their children, Jonathan and Allison.

The path they walked together seemed so good. The future seemed bright and secure. But late in the summer of Jonathan’s fourth year, he got sick—very sick. Five weeks later, the beautiful, blond-haired, blue-eyed boy died of an undiagnosed illness…

That’s how I entered the wilderness called heartbreak. It’s a lonely, confusing, scary place. If only I’d had a friend to walk with me on this journey, perhaps I might have made it through in less than 15 years.

If you have a friend who is where I once was and you want to help, let me say two things. First, God bless you for caring. If you didn’t care, nothing you could say or do would be very helpful. Second, be assured that you can help and that your help makes a difference. Now let me suggest three ways in which you can walk with a hurting friend.

BE THERE
Your friend needs to know that she’s not alone because you are, and will be, with her. Your friend needs to know that you won’t abandon her—no matter how long it takes, how deep it gets, or how well she follows the expectations of “good grieving.”

From many others she will receive mostly words; from you, she will receive yourself, a companion who will sit in the dark and share her pain, perhaps without saying a word. Spoken words are seldom remembered, but the person who came, who stayed, who wept, who cared is never forgotten.

LISTEN
For most people, the wilderness of heartbreak is uncharted territory—a confusing place without roads, maps, or compass. Few guides really know the way through this wilderness, although many think they do. Those who think they know rush in, offer their pat answers and pious platitudes, answer questions that no one is asking, and leave, smugly assured that they have fulfilled their duty.

True listening, in contrast, involves learning to ask questions, not necessarily to answer them. Ask questions that encourage your friend to delve deeper, discover, face, and perhaps resolve the real issue. Through this process, your friend may express questions or doubts that seem out of character. Even a deeply religious person may express great anger at God, and the intensity with which that anger is expressed may shock you.

If this level of truthful but raw communication occurs, don’t judge your friend, regardless of how uncomfortable you feel at the moment. Take a deep breath and say, “I’m sorry you are feeling such deep pain. These feelings are confusing and hard for us to express. Thank you for trusting me enough to show me what is inside your soul. By sharing this, you have given me a very special gift.” When you validate your friend’s pain, you may be surprised by what she says next.

TOUCH THE HEART
When given the opportunity, your friend may express her true feelings. Those feelings—whether fear, anger, doubt, or guilt—are an open door to your friend’s heart. It’s important that you accept, not deny, those feelings. Only then can you step through the open door to touch your friend’s hurting heart.

For me, guilt was the open door. I felt responsible for Jonathan’s death, and nothing anyone said could change that. Logically, I knew I wasn’t responsible, but logic didn’t matter because the guilt was in my heart. If someone had simply accepted and validated that guilt for what it was, that person would have touched my heart.

Many people who are sick, for example, express concern that they are a burden to others. They give their family and friends this open door, but instead of walking through it, family and friends often deny the truth. “Oh, no,” they say, “you’re not a burden.” A better response would be, “Yes, this disease is a burden, but it is a burden I freely choose to bear because I love you.”

A sorrow shared is a sorrow diminished. The way to truly share another’s sorrow and thus to diminish it is to love that person. It sounds simple, but love is life’s most difficult—and rewarding—task. If you ask for His help, God can and will give you the love and strength you need to walk with a friend in the wilderness.

Dave Biebel is an ordained minister, speaker, and author of numerous books including Jonathan, You Left Too Soon; If God Is So Good, Why Do I Hurt So Bad?; and How to Help a Heartbroken Friend. To order Dave’s books, visit your local Christian bookstore or write to Liberty.

Depression, Grief, Healing, Words of Endurance

Even Kings Get Depressed

By connie on

August 31, 2011

- Category : Depression, Grief, Healing, Words of Endurance

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“My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long?”
PSALM 6:3

Before I went through my own valley of suffering and depression, whenever I would read the Psalms I would wonder why God put all of King David’s “whining” in the Scriptures for everyone to see. I felt it was such a display of weakness and a poor display of faith.

But after I went through my own depression I can’t tell you how thankful I was that God recorded King David’s “whining” in His Word because I now could so identify with his suffering –I cried out those same cries – I felt those Psalms were recorded just for me.

It brought me great comfort in my pain to know that I was not the only one who ever experienced depression in the valley of suffering. King David was “a man after God’s own heart” (Acts 13:22) – Israel’s most illustrious king – a giant killer from his youth – and yet also here was a man given to depression in the midst of his suffering.

If you have ever been depressed, you know the symptoms: faintness of heart, endless days, sleepless nights, tears, obsessive fear, numbness, weakness, loss of energy, loss of joy, weight loss or gain – just to list a few. As I read the Psalms I realized that King David experienced many of the same symptoms of depression.

His laments and the laments of others before God are recorded in Scripture – notice the similar symptoms:

My heart pounds, my strength fails me; even the light has gone from my eyes.
PSALM 38: 10

My heart is blighted and withered like grass; I forget to eat my food.
Because of my loud groaning I am reduced to skin and bones.
I am like a desert owl, like an owl among the ruins.
I lie awake; I have become like a bird alone on a roof.
PSALM 102:4-7

I am worn out from groaning;
all night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears.
PSALM 6:6

My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught
My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me.
Fear and trembling have beset me: horror has overwhelmed me.
PSALM 55:2,4,5

But just as I lamented about my depression before God the same laments as King David, I am thankful that I could also join in chorus and sing out the same praises with King David when he sang …

I waited patiently for the LORD to help me,
and he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along.
He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
PSALM 40:1-3 (NLT)

On the journey with you,
Jan Dravecky

Depression, Grief, Healing, Words of Endurance

An Unwanted but Common Companion

By Nathan Solla on

August 18, 2011

- Category : Depression, Grief, Healing, Words of Endurance

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“Where then is my hope? Who can see any hope for me?”
JOB 17:15

Whenever we go through a season of suffering, unfortunately, depression can be an unwanted but common companion on the journey. Job had experienced many afflictions and losses – loss of health, wealth and family – rendering him, as would be expected, depressed and hopeless as expressed in his words above.

Anyone experiencing a season of suffering or loss has a good chance of experiencing some depression on his or her journey. It is a known fact that 98% of all cancer patients experience some level of depression – from mild to severe. A cancer patient’s journey can be one of loss – loss of health, lifestyle and/or finances – all create stress and take their toll on us emotionally and then it impacts us physically.

After Dave and I went through our season of suffering we both experienced severe clinical depression. The depression robbed us of our physical strength and our Spiritual hope. Because we were experiencing depression we felt like failures and we were ashamed that we were not able to handle our life circumstances. Thus we felt immense guilt and the guilt only deepened our depression.

BUT …

We were comforted when we learned that depression was a common companion on the journey of suffering. The Scriptures gives many examples of Godly men who experienced depression – Job, the prophet Elijah and King David.

We were encouraged when we learned that many great Saints of the past – Charles Spurgeon, John Bunyan and even Oswald Chambers among them -experienced bouts of depression and yet God continued to use them mightily in the midst and in spite of their depression.

We felt hopeful when others came alongside us and let us know that they, too, had experienced depression and they had made it to the other side of the valley. We learned we were not alone and neither are you.

AND REMEMBER …

“… weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.”
PSALM 30:5

On the journey with you,
Jan Dravecky

Anxiety, Fear, Grief, Words of Endurance

Worry Gone Too Far

By Nathan Solla on

August 15, 2011

- Category : Anxiety, Fear, Grief, Words of Endurance

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Worry weighs us down;
a cheerful word picks us up.
PROVERBS 12:25 (THE MESSAGE)

You all have to know by now how much I love the Word of God. One of the many reasons is that it has been my guiding light on my darkest paths.

By your words I can see where I’m going;
they throw a beam of light on my dark path.
PSALM 119:105 (THE MESSAGE)

That beam of light guided me on one of my darkest paths – the path of anxiety and panic attacks.

The Bible warns us not to worry because it will affect us physically. Anxiety is the physical implication of worry – the physical side effect of worry. Anxiety is worry grown up and fully developed. In fact, if worry were the common cold – anxiety would be pneumonia!

The word anxiety literally means “to press tight, to strangle, to be weighted down with griefs.” I can say an “Amen” to that – anxiety certainly weighed me down. There are many ways that the human body is weighed down by anxiety. For me it was panic attacks – a racing heart, chest pain, hyperventilation and deep sweats. My thoughts were consumed with irrational fears and terror. And my immune system was severely suppressed – I caught every virus that came my way. My body – weighed down by the anxiety – could not fight back – it was exhausted by the anxiety.

A cheerful disposition is good for your health; gloom and doom leave you bone-tired. PROVERBS 17:22 (THE MESSAGE)

Everyone, at one time or another, experiences anxiety in its mild forms. Mild symptoms of anxiety pass with no lasting effects but in its more extreme forms, anxiety can be debilitating as it was for me. When anxiety is severe enough to disrupt a person’s lifestyle, it is called an anxiety disorder. The most common anxiety disorders described below can vary in severity from mildly disruptive to totally incapacitating.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder – Exaggerated worry and tension over everyday events and decisions.

Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PSTD) – Frightening and intrusive memories that result from trauma such as an accident, assault, surviving a disaster, etc. Symptoms can include nightmares, depression, withdrawal, emotional numbness and feelings of helplessness.

Phobias – Extreme, irrational fear of social settings, objects or situations.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) – Intrusive, unwanted and repetitive thoughts or rituals performed out of a feeling of urgent need.

Panic Disorder – Episodes of extreme fear and dread, called panic attacks, that strike unexpectedly and repeatedly for no apparent reason.

I share these with you because you may be experiencing an anxiety disorder or you may know someone who is. Let me say there is no shame here if you are experiencing anxiety – it is a common path shared by many of us on the journey of life. The good news is that all of these disorders are fixable with the appropriate treatment and you can look forward to a time when anxiety will no longer dominate your life.

I can testify to that! Thank you Lord!
So refuse to worry, and keep your body healthy.
ECCLESIASTES 11:10 (NLT)

On the journey with you,
Jan Dravecky

Cancer, Grief, Pain, Walking the Path of Encouragement, Words of Endurance

Give Up Your Self

By jenni on

April 16, 2011

- Category : Cancer, Grief, Pain, Walking the Path of Encouragement, Words of Endurance

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My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
JOHN 15:12-13 (NIV)

True friends give of themselves for one another. Giving up one’s self is essential when we seek to encourage a friend who is suffering from cancer or other long-term physical condition. It may mean setting aside my agenda and taking on my friend’s agenda. It may mean laying down my free time and giving it to my friend. It may mean laying down my opinion on a matter and allowing my friend’s opinion to take center stage.

It isn’t easy to give up one’s self. We are inherently selfish. No matter how much we desire to encourage others, no matter how disciplined we are, no matter how spiritually motivated we are, our instincts cry out loudly, “Me first!” At some point, our friend’s needs and our self-centered desires will collide. At some point, we will find ourselves wishing we could watch the movie we wanted to see rather than listening to our friend. At some point, we will grow weary of bearing our friend’s burden and think, What about my needs?

So be warned. Helping to bear a friend’s burden will cause personal discomfort. We may be called upon to carry a load that is far heavier than we first imagined, or we may need to carry it for a greater distance than we would prefer. It is important to decide early on if we are up to that challenge if we will bear with the inconvenience for the long haul. If not, we need to be honest with ourselves and our friend regarding our commitment. Backing away from a suffering friend when the going gets tough can be as painful as the worst medical treatment they will endure.

Those who would encourage a suffering friend walk a tightrope between giving of themselves and maintaining their personal health. Yes, we are to bear one another’s burdens, but we’re not sup-posed to carry the whole load. To do so is harmful—to us and to those we seek to encourage. Carrying the whole load for a friend is harmful because it may prolong his or her denial and pain. If we do for our friend what our friend is capable of doing, we may undermine his or her sense of personal worth and hinder his or her continued emotional and spiritual growth.

So it is important for those who would be encouragers to examine both motives and actions. Ask God to help you become aware of your selfish tendencies so that you can truly give of yourself. Ask God to unveil your true motives, so that you can give purely, not for the purpose of building up yourself. Ask God to show you what not to do so that you can set healthy boundaries and avoid a codependent relationship, which is wearying to you and demeaning to your friend. Ask God to help you develop an “energizer bunny” faithfulness—one that keeps giving and giving and giving in a way that draws both you and your friend closer to God and makes you more aware of His loving presence in your lives.

Key to Walking the Path of Encouragement

Sometimes those who suffer can’t even think of what another person could do to help. The following questions might enable your friend to express his or her needs.

When may I take your children on an outing (to the park, fishing, ball game, camping, out for pizza or ice cream—you fill in the blank)?

What errands may I run for you?

What undone chores around the house are weighing on you?

What is your favorite meal, and when can I fix it for you?

What can I do that would bless your heart today?

A friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

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