Grace, Guilt, On the Journey Together, Words of Endurance
Freedom From My Shame
“Fear not; you will no longer live in shame.
Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you.”
ISAIAH 54:4 (NLT)
I was ashamed of who I had become. I kept asking God “how did I get to this place?” It was not as if this place was a goal in life that I wanted to achieve. I had tried relentlessly in my own strength to manage my sin but had failed countless times. My only option left was to surrender myself to God.
“Quit keeping score altogether and surrender yourself
with all your sinfulness to God
who sees neither the score or the scorekeeper
but only his child redeemed by Christ”
THOMAS MERTON
As I surrendered myself with all my sinfulness to God, He began to show me how I got to this place. He showed me through the wise Godly counsel of others with whom I entrusted my sinfulness, that I was extremely codependent – a people pleaser with low self-esteem who feared my family’s disapproval, who avoided others’ anger at all cost and stuffed my own feelings of anger for the sake of peace.
I learned that my addictive tendencies were a by-product of my codependency. These tendencies were my self-effort to self-comfort and escape from the pain that I experienced within my sensitive wounded heart.
As I began to understand how God wired me and why I chose those addictive patterns the shame dissipated and I experienced His Grace for myself. As I trusted God and His promises I have been able to receive His forgiveness and therefore been able to forgive myself. His Truth has broken my chains and set me free, as I have trusted Him and others with whom I truly am!
“Those who trust in me will never be put to shame.”
ISAIAH 49:23 (NLT)
On The Journey With You,
Jan Dravecky
