Anger, Endurance for the Journey, Featured

Go ahead and be angry.
You do well to be angry –
but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge.
And don’t stay angry.
Don’t go to bed angry.
Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.
EPHESIANS 4:26-27 (THE MESSAGE)

Feeling anger is not a sin but how we react to that feeling is where we can open ourselves up to sin. The above Scripture describes two ways we can sin in response to feeling anger. We can be an oppressor by allowing rage to control us and control others or we can be a suppressor of our anger and allow a bitter root of resentment to grow poisoning our relationship. Dave and I have both responses covered – we are both guilty.

Dave was an oppressor and his anger exploded during his cancer journey. Whenever he would feel anger because of fear, hurt or frustration, he would often explode with uncontrollable rage. He was never physically abusive but he was definitely verbally abusive with his words and tone which would send me inside myself and I would shut down. But I knew he was unable to express his pain by crying (he was taught that boys don’t cry) and I felt sorry for him.

But I was hurt by his words and by stuffing and suppressing that pain/anger I was feeling, a bitter root of resentment developed in my heart towards Dave. And to top it off I built walls around that bitter root so that it continued to grow – it slowly poisoned me from the inside out.

Fortunately for Dave, several years after Dave’s amputation he went for a year of anger counseling when he became aware that his rage was sin and I can honestly testify that Dave has not had a rageful fit for 25 years. But I was not made aware of my suppressed anger until I started walking through my anger issues this past year.

Awareness is the first step to transforming behaviors and the Holy Spirit which lives inside of me, has been revealing to me one of the roots of my adult lifelong battle with depression. Suppressing anger was destroying me from the inside out. I am so grateful to share that I no longer suppress my hurt, fear or frustration and I have experienced the healing Grace of God this past year through my husband, my adult children and the heartfelt counsel of old and new friends that God has blessed me with.

How do you respond when you feel anger? I pray that if you are struggling that you will pray and ask God to direct you to others who can help you with your hurts, fear and frustrations. It is life-giving! Life-changing!

The heartfelt counsel of a friend
is as sweet as perfume and incense.
PROVERBS 27:9 (NLT)

On the journey with you,
Jan Dravecky

Anger, Endurance for the Journey, Featured

Understand this, my brothers and sisters:
You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak,
and slow to get angry.
JAMES 1:19 (NLT)

Over the past year, I have been working through an Anger Workbook with my close friend, Nancy Beggs. As we have journeyed together through our anger issues and the anger issues of our spouses, God has shown me so much on how suppressing my anger and my passive aggressive ways in response to that anger, have hurt myself and my family.

Feeling anger is not a sin but a red flag warning that I am either feeling hurt, fear or frustration. It is how I respond to that feeling that will determine whether I sin or not. Both suppression and oppression of anger are sinful reactions. I knew expressing rage was wrong but I always thought that by stuffing and swallowing my anger that I was being “Christ-like” by not hurting others. But in reality, I was hurting myself and others with my passive aggressive responses.

God has shown me that I can indeed feel, acknowledge, and express my anger in a Christ-like way when I Pause (realize what I am feeling) Pray (ask Him to help me to understand what was said and whether my feelings are justified) and then allow Him to help me Respond in a loving way. At first, this was very difficult for me because I never wanted to ignite a fight and I always feared the other’s response. But it has been amazing to me how when I choose to Pause, Pray and then Respond how the outcome is so healing in my relationships with others.

I pray that this is helpful to all the suppressors and oppressors (yes it is helpful for them too!) that are reading this. Practice PPR and see the difference it makes in your life and relationships!

Don’t worry about anything,
instead pray about everything.
Tell God what you need,
and thank Him for all He has done.
Then you will experience God’s peace,
which exceeds anything we can understand.
PHILIPPIANS 4:6-7 (NLT)

On the journey with you,
Jan Dravecky