“Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly.
And the best of the three is love.”
1 CORINTHIANS 13:13 (THE MESSAGE)
One of our greatest needs is to be loved, supported and accepted by those we love. When this need is not met and we feel the pain of rejection it can cause us to feel hurt, fear or frustration resulting in anger. We feel anger at the very ones we desire to receive the love and acceptance from. I know this was my own personal struggle with Dave.
While I always felt loved by Dave, for the first 33 years of our marriage I never felt like he “liked” me. He was always trying to “change” me, “improve” me and “challenge” me to be different from who I truly was. I know that he meant well but it eventually led to me feeling rejected and not liking myself and that made me angry at Dave and at myself for not being able change into the person he wanted me to be. Recently I read a quote in a random Instagram Post that really pierced my heart:
“When you keep criticizing your kids, they don’t stop loving you. They stop loving themselves.”
While this is so true about the effects criticism has on our children, I feel it is equally true within marriages and relationships with those we love. Sadly, feeling rejected by those we love can cause immeasurable damage to our emotional stability.
Fortunately, I am married to a man who has a heart for God, and he listens to the Holy Spirit that lives within him. Eleven years ago Dave read a book entitled, “The Cure” by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNichol and John Lynch – it took him back to the Scriptures and began to transform his Spiritual walk with God and with others. He started experiencing the grace of God for himself and for others – including me!
While I so appreciated the transformation that was taking place in Dave’s heart and our marriage, it did not happen overnight. After all, our Spiritual walk with God is a journey and I still did not know or was aware that I had long harbored anger within my heart. To be continued …
“Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry …” EPHESIANS 4:26 (NIV)
On the journey together,