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Grief, Guilt, Healing, Hope, Words of Endurance

My Dilemma and The Answer

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May 1, 2013

- Category : Grief, Guilt, Healing, Hope, Words of Endurance

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I can anticipate the response that is coming: “I know that all God’s commands are spiritual, but I’m not.
Isn’t this also your experience?”
Yes. I’m full of myself—after all,
I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison.
What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way,
but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise.
So if I can’t be trusted to figure out
what is best for myself and then do it,
it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.
But I need something more!
For if I know the law but still can’t keep it,
and if the power of sin within me
keeps sabotaging my best intentions,
I obviously need help!
I realize that I don’t have what it takes.
I can will it, but I can’t do it.
I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it;
I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway.
My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions.
Something has gone wrong deep within me
and gets the better of me every time.
It happens so regularly that it’s predictable.
The moment I decide to do good,
sin is there to trip me up.
I truly delight in God’s commands,
but it’s pretty obvious that
not all of me joins in that delight.
Parts of me covertly rebel,
and just when I least expect it,
they take charge.
I’ve tried everything and nothing helps.
I’m at the end of my rope.
Is there no one who can do anything for me?
Isn’t that the real question?
The answer, thank God, is that
Jesus Christ can and does.
He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions
where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind,
but am pulled by the influence of sin
to do something totally different.
ROMANS 7:15-25 (THE MESSAGE)



Sorry for the long Scripture text but I just had to share it all because it is every bit of my experience in my walk with God. “Isn’t this also your experience?”



I don’t know about you but this has been a constant struggle on my journey – what is that struggle? That struggle has been a constant repeat of the history of my sin and weaknesses! I can’t tell you the countless times that I have hit bottom after once again relying on my own strengths – trusting in my own abilities to get things done – my inability to say no – resulting in major burnout and depression. What is so humbling about each time I fall into that pit is that I have no one to blame but myself! And what is even more upsetting is that I know better and I know The Answer but like Paul I find myself crying out “I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me?”



Each time I hit bottom my initial reaction is to run from God not to Him. Guilt and shame keep me wanting to hide just like Adam and Eve. But because I know that the only One who can do anything for me is Jesus Christ I return to Him – broken and limping I surrender myself to Him – confessing my sin and accepting my inability to fix myself. I return to Him because He promises …



“… Return to me so I can return to you,”
says God-of-the-Angel-Armies …
MALACHI 3:7 (THE MESSAGE)



“… No one who hopes in me ever regrets it.”
ISAIAH 49:23 (THE MESSAGE)



And I thank God that every time I return to Him and place my hope in Him – He guides me up out of that pit of sin and death – growing me up on the journey. Through the power of the Holy Spirit that lives within me my dilemma is resolved!



I don’t mean to leave you hanging here though. Over the next several weeks I will be sharing honestly how I have journeyed back to Him time and time again. It is so good for me and for all of us to remember …



With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah,
that fateful dilemma is resolved.
Those who enter into Christ’s being-here-for-us
no longer have to live
under a continuous, low-lying black cloud.
A new power is in operation.
The Spirit of life in Christ,
like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air,
freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny
at the hands of sin and death.
ROMANS 8:1-2 (THE MESSAGE)



On the Journey with You,
Jan Dravecky

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Discovering Who I Am, Guilt, Healing, Words of Endurance

Maturing From the Inside Out

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January 10, 2013

- Category : Discovering Who I Am, Guilt, Healing, Words of Endurance

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“Cursed is the strong one
who depends on mere humans,
Who thinks he can make it on muscle alone
and sets God aside as dead weight.
He’s like a tumbleweed on the prairie,
out of touch with the good earth.
He lives rootless and aimless
in a land where nothing grows.”
JEREMIAH 17:5-6 (THE MESSAGE)



After I committed my life to Christ I felt that I needed to change my sinful ways. After all I wanted to please God and as I reflect back on those early days of my journey with Christ I felt responsible to “fix” me – on my “muscle alone” – not God’s. I had high expectations of myself – in my own power and strength – to perform well for God.



I also had those high expectations of my wife and children. And I am ashamed to admit now that when they did not meet those expectations – when they would fail, sin and expose their weaknesses – I would shame them by asking them if their actions were “glorifying to God.”



Jan would always respond to me, “Sure I can perform and change my outsides but what about my sinful insides? What about the part of me that still sins but I won’t dare let others see or more truthfully that you don’t want others to see? But I know that God sees that part of me! What good is it to appear to be holy on the outside when your heart is still raging and desires sin? To me that is being a phony! I want my insides to match my outsides! I need God to change my heart because obviously I don’t know how!”



I, too, have learned that I did not know how to bring lasting change to my heart. Unfortunately, when our outsides do not match our insides what is on the inside – through the seasons of life – will eventually make its way to the outside. Unless God does the maturing or changing of our hearts “our maturing” will be like the “tumbleweed on the prairie” being tossed and blown by the wind. The Truth is we don’t know how to mature our hearts but the Good News is that God does!



“But blessed is the man who trusts me, God,
the woman who sticks with God.
They’re like trees replanted in Eden,
putting down roots near the rivers—
Never a worry through the hottest of summers,
never dropping a leaf,
Serene and calm through droughts,
bearing fresh fruit every season.”
JEREMIAH 17:7-8 (THE MESSAGE)



Fortunately God has been showing me that it is fruitless to try to perform and please Him without trusting Him. I have learned that trusting God leads to a dependence on Him that He will mature me from the inside out – not through any self-effort. If I want to grow and mature I need to trust God to establish those deep roots that will enable me to endure the seasons of life.



Instead fix your attention on God.
You’ll be changed from the inside out.
Readily recognize what he wants from you,
and quickly respond to it.
Unlike the culture around you,
always dragging you down to its level of immaturity,
God brings the best out of you,
develops well-formed maturity in you.
ROMANS 12:2 (THE MESSAGE)



On the Journey with You,
Dave Dravecky

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Discovering Who I Am, Grief, Guilt, Healing, Words of Endurance

One Comeback After Another

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November 13, 2012

- Category : Discovering Who I Am, Grief, Guilt, Healing, Words of Endurance

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Have mercy on me, O God,
because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
blot out the stain of my sins.
PSALM 51:1 (NLT)



Who am I? I have problems like everyone else and I don’t always deal with them well. I am a guy who struggles every day. I struggle with being down, with being a husband, father and now grandfather, with communicating and with how to lead a ministry. Every time I turn the corner I find another problem in front of me that I don’t know how to deal with. I look at my life and I say to myself “Is this the way it is going to be day after day after day?” And the answer is probably.



Yet I am learning that I can endure this journey and the ongoing struggles best when I accept that I am a man who has faults and sins – who needs the Grace of God – a man who is still in the process of learning and maturing – still growing up! Life is easier for me when I realize it calls for one comeback after another – a comeback to God.



The Bible tells a story about a guy who was a jock, a national hero and also a sinner. In a strange sort of way – that comforts me. He was a guy who had to depend on the Grace of God – just like me. This man, King David, fought bears and lions – and won. He won the greatest slingshot competition of all time where the prize was more than just the pennant. The fate of his entire country depended on how well he would pitch a little stone toward the massive forehead of a giant named Goliath. When he beaned that Giant (who was fortunately from Philistia, not San Francisco), he became an instant hero. The whole country was cheering him, honoring him, loving him.



But David was far from a perfect guy. I am so thankful that the Bible brings balance to King David’s victories by also sharing his failures. (It is just nice to know that David was human too and I am not alone in my own victories and failures) He had it all – he became King – he was famous – he was affluent – he was a skilled and successful warrior. He even had a great relationship with God – leading the entire nation in worship through his songs. But …



One day he caught a glimpse of his neighbor’s wife as she was stepping in and out of the tub. He liked what he saw and had an affair with her. When he found out she was pregnant he had her husband killed to try to keep his image intact. David kept up the pretense until he was confronted with what he had done. When he finally realized his sin – he admitted his failures, came clean and repented. He came back to God.



Wash me clean from my guilt.
Purify me from my sin.
For I recognize my rebellion;
it haunts me day and night.
Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
I have done what is evil in your sight.
PSALM 51:2-4 (NLT)



Whoever I am – I don’t want to live in deceit. I want to be real even if it tarnishes my image. I want to be real even though it means I have to admit some ugly things about myself. Whoever I am I will always be a guy who needs the Grace of God. When I realize God’s grace in my life and who I am in relationship to Him that gives me the desire to live for Him every day but also honest before Him about my faults and sins.



In each devotional I have shared with you some things that may have surprised you – they don’t match my public image. I hope you don’t hold it against me. I do not do it for shock value but in hopes that you will be encouraged to see the Grace of God at work in the life of a man just like you. I hope it encourages you to come clean with God – repent of your sins and receive His Grace that erases all our faults and failures. And most of all I hope it motivates you to keep on coming back even when you fail because life really is just one comeback after another.



Because of God’s Grace, together with King David, we can all cry out …



Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew a loyal spirit within me.
Do not banish me from your presence,
and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you.
PSALM 51:10-12 (NLT)



On the journey with you,
Dave Dravecky

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Anger, Discovering Who I Am, Grace, Guilt, Healing, Hope, Words of Endurance

Humbling Myself and Receiving the Father’s Love

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October 16, 2012

- Category : Anger, Discovering Who I Am, Grace, Guilt, Healing, Hope, Words of Endurance

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Humble yourselves before the Lord,
and he will lift you up in honor.
JAMES 4:10



Men do not like to receive. We like to be the giver. We like to earn everything that we receive. Unfortunately – with that stance of pride – that attitude can get in the way of receiving the Father’s love.



Jesus tried to give a true picture of our heavenly Father’s love by telling a story of a father and his two sons (see Luke 14:11-32). Both of the sons – even though so different – had to learn the same lesson – how to humble themselves and receive their father’s freely offered love.



The younger son in Jesus’ story was rebellious. He lived in the lap of luxury growing up. When he came of age he took his inheritance and hit the road. He spent everything his father had given him on the very things that broke his father’s heart.



When he was out of money and his “friends” had abandoned him – he found himself living in a pigsty. When he finally admitted his pitiful situation he decided to humbly go home. He hoped he could come crawling back to his dad and at least get decent meals working as his servant. He rehearsed his speech all the way home – ashamed about his behavior and no doubt nervous about how his father would receive him.



When he was still a long way off his father ran to him and embraced him – an action I am sure surprised Jesus’ listeners. The father hugged his son and kissed him and wouldn’t even let him finish his prepared speech. Instead, he told his servants to prepare for a celebration! He put a robe on his son’s shoulders – placed the family signet ring on his hand and fully reinstated him to his place in the home. All the young man had to do was receive the love that his father so freely offered.



The older brother had a different problem – he was performance-oriented. He had spent his whole life trying to earn his father’s love. That is why he grew baffled, jealous and angry at his father’s surprising response to his younger brother.



“But Dad,” he objected, “I stayed here – worked the land and brought in the crops. I have served you and performed for you my whole life – but you never gave me a party like this!”



His father tried to explain that all either of his sons had to do was receive what had always been there for them. The older son missed the father’s love because he was too busy ticking off on his checklist the things he thought he had to do to earn it. When he saw his father freely giving his love to his rebellious brother he became confused.



We can be like either of these sons. We may stay away from the heavenly Father because we are ashamed of how we have disappointed him. We may feel that we have broken every commandment God ever etched in stone. Or we may keep our distance – missing it completely – because we are too busy “doing” – trying to earn His love. Both of the brothers in Jesus’ story had to humble themselves if there were to receive the father’s love … and so must we.



God wants all men – those who perform well – those who may not – to know that His love is a gift – it is free.



God saved you by his grace when you believed.
And you can’t take credit for this;
it is a gift from God.
Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done,
so none of us can boast about it.
EPHESIANS 2:8-9 (NLT)



There is nothing we can do to earn it and there is nothing we can do that will disappoint our Father in heaven so much that He will withhold it. God’s love is there for the taking to all who will receive it. But it must be as freely received as it so freely offered. That is the only way. And I am so glad it is! Remember …



… indeed, nothing in all creation
will ever be able to separate us from the love of God
that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
ROMANS 8:39 (NLT)



On the journey with you,
Dave Dravecky

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Depression, Discovering Who I Am, Doubt, Guilt, Healing, Hope, Loss, Pain, Words of Endurance

Me? Depressed?

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October 7, 2012

- Category : Depression, Discovering Who I Am, Doubt, Guilt, Healing, Hope, Loss, Pain, Words of Endurance

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Lord, have mercy, because I am in misery.
My eyes are weak from so much crying,
and my whole being is tired from grief.
PSALM 31:9 (NCV) WORDS OF KING DAVID



It took an act of God to convince me that I was depressed. Me? Dave Dravecky depressed? You have got to be kidding me! I was always taught that it was impossible for a Christian to be depressed if he or she were walking with the Lord. I bought into that teaching and denied all my symptoms (as well as Jan’s) of depression. At that time, admitting that I was depressed and seeking professional help would have been like confessing sin.



I really believed that if I kept a positive attitude and kept trying to help others I could and should get around my own emotional pain without going through it. As an athlete, I had learned how to push past the pain. If I stopped pushing myself whenever I felt physical pain I never would have made it to the big leagues. So naturally I applied the same jock mentality to emotional pain but it didn’t work.



It didn’t work because I was going the wrong way and it nearly killed me. It was true …



There is a way that appears to be right,
but in the end it leads to death.
PROVERBS 14:12 (NIV)



My way of dealing with my pain pushed me into unhealthy habits that inevitably lead to depression. And what finally triggered the depression? I can tell you in one word: exhaustion – I was physically and emotionally exhausted.



Immediately after my amputation I pushed myself into a busy speaking schedule – I said yes to almost every request made of me. I had been given a message from God for people who were suffering and I was determined to deliver it. As a result, I ended up exhausted.



And to make matters worse I kept busy to avoid dealing with my emotional pain and loss. My pain was still within me – waiting to be addressed – draining me just as much as my hectic schedule. To this day I can’t clearly remember those months – it’s a blur – as though I were living in a fog. I was living in the fog of depression.



The hectic schedule wasn’t the only thing that exhausted me, however. Trying to do things with my remaining hand – the nondominant one at that – made me mentally tired. I had always worked well with my hands and now I was fumbling all over the place – that exhausted me.



And pain itself is exhausting. Having to mentally deal with pain – day in and day out – sapped my energy. I experienced phantom pain daily and the pain could be unbelievable. My left hand would cramp up. Just to release the cramp I would mentally have to pry loose my missing fingers. Sometimes the ends of my finger felt like they were on fire.



And then there was the contribution of my fears, doubts, worry and then guilt. When these emotions engulfed me it was like a tidal wave had hit me and that wave did me in. No wonder I was experiencing depression!



But then I finally listened to the Godly, Biblical counsel of others.



Fools think their own way is right,
but the wise listen to others.
PROVERBS 12:15 (NLT)



After about three weeks of counseling I realized that I was just as depressed as Jan was. But what a wonderful place to make such discovery – under the care and guidance of a Godly counselor – an act of God! Bit by bit I began to understand how my way of dealing with my pain was not God’s way. I learned God’s Way – God’s Truth. I needed to open my heart and address and confess my pain. What came out was, “I’m scared. I’m afraid. I don’t want to die. Where is my faith that I have so strongly professed? I am so weak and tired.”



You know there was great freedom in admitting that truth. The truth of God’s Word set me free but so did the truth about myself that only the Holy Spirit could expose. There was wonderful freedom for me in knowing I don’t have to be anything but who I truly am – the good, the bad and the ugly – even me depressed!



If you find yourself in the same place I was – exhausted and depressed – please do not hesitate to seek help from our Heavenly Father, the Holy Spirit and the help from Godly others.



“And I will ask the Father,
and he will give you another Advocate,
who will never leave you.
He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth.”
JOHN 14:15-17 (NLT)



On the journey with you,
Dave Dravecky

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Guilt, Peace, Words of Endurance

Dealing with Guilt When We Stumble

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June 7, 2011

- Category : Guilt, Peace, Words of Endurance

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If we have only the will to walk then God is pleased with our stumbles.
CS LEWIS



I had always been a perfectionist – expecting perfection mostly from myself – especially in my walk with God. Every time I would stumble I would experience such guilt that I would want to run and hide from God. I could not fathom the truth of the above CS Lewis quote.



BUT then I recalled …



When my children were small, I remember the excitement of their first steps. I met each wobbly lurch forward with enthusiastic hurrahs and hugs. They went from heavily padded bottoms to reinforced knees – shock absorbers for their anticipated tumbles and tears.



I expected them to fall, to cry. I knew they were learning and delighted in each stage of their progress. That is what parents do. It is effortless to love our children – to nurture them – to delight in their growth. And when they fall we want them to run to us not from us.



We quickly forget that God is our Father who, like our earthly parents, loves us passionately. He delights in our growth. He knows we are learning. He expects bruised knees and hearts along the way.



He doesn’t want guilt over our occasional tumbles to paralyze us in fear of His response. He does not want us to run from Him but to run to Him. Our Heavenly Father wants us to brush off the dust, grab His strong hand and keep walking with Him.



The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.
PSALM 37:23-24 (NLT)



True victory over guilt comes when we see ourselves as God views us – as children who are learning to walk the uneven emotional and spiritual road of life, children whose Heavenly Daddy spared no expense to walk beside them.



And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.
EPHESIANS 3:18-19



On the journey with you,
Dave Dravecky

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False Guilt, Grace, Guilt, Peace, Uncategorized, Words of Endurance

Too Heavy a Burden

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May 31, 2011

- Category : False Guilt, Grace, Guilt, Peace, Uncategorized, Words of Endurance

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My guilt overwhelms me—
it is a burden too heavy to bear.
PSALM 38:5 (NLT)



There is virtually no end to the things that we can feel guilty and subsequently miserable about. And if we feel guilty, most of us automatically assume that we are guilty. But like every part of our human nature, our consciences are flawed and imperfect. Sometimes we feel guilty when we are not. So it is important that we learn to distinguish between true guilt and false guilt:



True guilt says, “I have done something wrong that I am responsible to make right.”



False guilt says, “I feel responsible for something that is not my responsibility or is out of my control.”



At the root of much of our false guilt is a fuzzy understanding of our responsibilities. Some of us have what can be called an overactive responsibility reflex. We think we are responsible for everything!



I know that I experienced tremendous false guilt because of my overactive responsibility reflex. I thought that if a responsibility came across my path, it must have come from God. And because it was from God, I was responsible to take care it. I put completely unrealistic expectations on myself and felt incredibly guilty when I couldn’t meet that standard.



Robert McGee, author of The Search for Significance, describes the responsibility trap that sets us up for false guilt as being “rooted in the false belief that we must meet certain standards to be acceptable and that the only way to deal with inadequacies is to punish others and ourselves for them. There is no way we can shoulder such a heavy burden. Our guilt will overpower us and the weight of our failures will break us.”



Unfortunately, an overactive responsibility reflex often shifts into high gear in the face of personal crisis. False guilt continually lies waiting at the door – pointing an accusing finger that spurs its overburdened victim to assume yet another responsibility – often a responsibility that belongs to another family member, a friend, a medical professional or even to God.



Someone suffering from any illness, for example, may feel false guilt for “being a burden” or “being self-centered” because of their needs. A caregiver may feel false guilt for having personal needs as well as for being unable to meet the needs of everyone else. Close family and friends may feel false guilt for their own good health or not being able to remove their loved one’s pain.



In each of these situations, the individual has assumed personal responsibilities that belong to others or sought to meet an unreasonable expectation. It isn’t necessary to shoulder such heavy burdens. If you are feeling overwhelmed by guilt, ask God for wisdom and discernment.



If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you.
JAMES 1:5 (NLT)

Ask God to show you if you are taking on a responsibility that belongs to others or if you are feeling responsible to meet impossible expectations. If your responsibility reflex is in overdrive, it is important to learn to let go and place the responsibility where it belongs. As you do that, the burden of false guilt will diminish.



Dear Lord,
Thank you for loving me so much that you care about every part of me even my emotions. Please give me Your wisdom, discernment, and truth so that I don’t take on the burden of responsibilities that belong to others. Help me to have appropriate expectations so that I will avoid the trap of seeking to prove that I am acceptable. Make my heart sensitive to your leading so the I will walk confidently on the straight, safe path in the midst of this difficult time.
Amen.



Mark out a straight path for your feet;
stay on the safe path.
PROVERBS 4:26



On the journey with you,
Jan Dravecky

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Guilt, Hope, Peace, Words of Endurance

Breaking Free from the Burden of Guilt

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May 26, 2011

- Category : Guilt, Hope, Peace, Words of Endurance

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“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
MATTHEW 11:30



At first I seemed to handle the stress of Dave’s illness well. I just worked harder to keep up with the demands. But there was no way I could begin to meet all the needs that surrounded me. I started falling short of the expectations I placed on myself and the more I fell behind the louder the accusing voice of guilt became.



SO I pushed myself even harder until I totally burned out and was thrust into the pit of depression. It wasn’t until I was confined to bed – unable to take care of myself – that I realized I had a problem.



The only way I was set free was when a wonderful Christian counselor stepped in and helped me identify all the guilt burdens I was carrying. He helped me identify the false expectations I was trying to meet. He helped me see the Truth about what God expected of me. He helped me evaluate each expectation individually so that I could identify the legitimate expectations and throw away all the others. When I look back on the load of expectations and resulting guilt I was carrying, it is no wonder I collapsed under the burden!



I discovered that guilt motivated many of the things I did. I did things because I felt I should do them. That doesn’t mean I did things begrudgingly. It simply means I did them because I felt other people expected me to and I wanted to please them. So I learned to ask myself what my motivation was for doing a particular thing. If my answer was I should or I ought, that became an alarm for me. I’d take pause to see if I was doing it because it was what God called me to do or because of someone else’s expectations.



Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
GALATIANS 1:10



I actually believed that I should have been able to meet everyone’s needs that crossed my path. But I believed a lie. God never intended us to meet the needs of everyone around us – that would be an impossible task. Our responsibility is to obey God and to meet the needs that He would have us meet.



Give me understanding, so that I may keep your law and obey it with all my heart.
PSALM 119:34



I even felt guilty for having needs of my own. I confused stewardship of my own health and needs with selfishness. If I was ever going to be able to help others – I needed to tend to my own needs first – make sure my own tank was filled before I filled the tanks of others. It was OK for me to love myself first.



‘Love your neighbor as yourself’
MATTHEW 22:39



I felt guilty expressing the pain and grief I was feeling. I hated to be a burden to others. But there is a time in all of our lives that we need to allow others to come in and share our burdens because they are too heavy for us to bear alone.



Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.
GALATIANS 6:2



I even felt guilty that I could not remove the pain Dave was suffering. I had to learn that it was not my responsibility to heal Dave. Dave’s suffering was out of my control – I could only do so much and with much prayer, I had to leave Dave in God’s hands.



It wasn’t easy to break free from the burden of guilt – much of which I had carried all of my adult life. Even today, I at times fall into the guilt trap. But when our hearts are troubled and burdened by guilt, we can bring the guilt that troubles us before God. We can ask Him to shed the light of His Truth on our guilt so that we can discern what is true guilt and what is false guilt. And as we learn the Truth we can be set free from the burden of false guilt.



“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
JOHN 8:32



On the journey with you,
Jan Dravecky

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Guilt, Hope, Peace, Words of Endurance

Not Guilty

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May 19, 2011

- Category : Guilt, Hope, Peace, Words of Endurance

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“I have heard all this before. What miserable comforters you are! Won’t you ever stop blowing hot air? What makes you keep on talking? I could say the same things if you were in my place. I could spout off criticism and shake my head at you. But if it were me, I would encourage you. I would try to take away your grief.”
JOB 16:2-5 (NLT)
Words of Job spoken to his friends



Several thousand years ago, a man named Job endured terrible personal suffering. I can’t even imagine the emotional and physical pain he endured – in one devastating blow after another he lost his children, his wealth and finally his health. As he sat on an ash heap and scraped the sores on his diseased body with bits of broken pottery, some friends came to visit. Job’s condition was so appalling that for the first seven days his friends sat with him in silent comfort. But after a time, they each felt compelled to offer an explanation for Job’s personal torment. Although their explanations varied, they each conveyed the same clear message: JOB, YOU ARE GUILTY!!! Adding to Job’s burdens – the burden of guilt. When it comes to the world of pain and suffering, things haven’t changed much since Job’s time. Many people who suffer today hear the same message from their would-be comforters: YOU ARE GUILTY! The message may be offered in a variety of terms – if only you hadn’t done this – if only you only had done that – if only you had more faith – if only you would confess your secret sins – IF ONLY –IF ONLY – IF ONLY – but it is the same message of guilt. Rather than bringing peace and comfort to the individual suffering, the condemnation of guilt only adds to the burden. I don’t think that finger-pointing comforters actually intend to hurt people who are suffering. Most of them sincerely want to help and fix our problem but deep inside they may fear that the suffering they observe may happen to them so they build up walls of false protection by thinking, I am not like that person – I have not done what that person has done so I won’t suffer like that. I remember one young man who confronted me during my battle with cancer. He approached me after a speaking appearance. He told me I had cancer because of the sin in my life and that if I confessed that sin, God would restore my health. He was saying to me YOU ARE GUILTY DAVE! What a load of guilt he dumped on me! Fortunately by that time I had struggled enough with God on the “why” of my cancer to recognize the false guilt inherent in the young man’s solution. Thank you God that I had the strength to politely but clearly, reject that guilt. I responded to him by saying, “I appreciate what you are saying. I do have sin in my life but I can’t say that this has happened because of it. I do know that cancer has caused me to draw closer to God. Who am I – or you – to say what God should or should not be doing in my life? God is in control of that. We are not.” We rarely know the reasons for suffering in our own lives – much less in the lives of others. Authentic encouragement doesn’t come from the person who says, “I have the answer to why you are suffering.” Those words often produce guilt. Encouragement most often comes from the person who lovingly says, “I don’t have the answer to why you are suffering but I care about you. I want to stand by you as you go through this.” Job, although he suffered greatly and was deeply troubled by his lack of understanding of why he suffered still he was able to reject the false guilt that others placed upon him and God later affirmed Job by declaring him NOT GUILTY.



The suffering one endures is enough of a burden without adding to it the weight of false guilt. False guilt is a very heavy burden – a burden that keeps hurting people from discovering the peace and hope that is so necessary to endure suffering. My prayer for you is that you, too, will reject the false guilt that is placed upon you, receive God’s verdict of NOT GUILTY and receive His peace and His hope as you endure.



God’s Verdict – Not Guilty


After the Lord had finished speaking to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite:
“I am angry with you and your two friends,
for you have not spoken accurately about me, as my servant Job has. … my servant Job will pray for you,
and I will accept his prayer on your behalf.
I will not treat you as you deserve,
for you have not spoken accurately about me, as my servant Job has.”
JOB 42:6-7 (NLT) Words of God spoken to Job’s friends



On the journey with you,
Dave Dravecky

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Anger, Cancer, Guilt, Healing, Pain, Words of Endurance

Anger is Part of the Ride

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April 12, 2011

- Category : Anger, Cancer, Guilt, Healing, Pain, Words of Endurance

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And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.
EPHESIANS 4:26-27 (NLT)



Anger – normally seen as a negative emotion – is not an uncommon companion on the journey through the valley of suffering – especially not for me – it was part of my ride on the emotional roller coaster. You have heard us talk many times about how we did not suffer pretty. We experienced a full gamut of emotions on the emotional roller coaster through our valley of suffering.



For Jan, her huge struggle was with fear but for me my monumental struggle was with my anger. From the time I was young I had always had a temper. But when I accepted Christ at the age of 25, my anger seemed to subside. Life was relatively good (and easy) and I really had no struggles with my anger erupting for the next 9 years UNTIL I journeyed through the valley of suffering. It was then that this volcano started to erupt.



During that time I kept so many of my emotions that I was experiencing inside because I did not know how to handle them. As a result, I lashed out in random acts of anger that had no relationship whatsoever to what was happening around me. I got angry with Jan and the kids when they weren’t doing anything wrong. They became innocent victims of my pain – pain I did not know how to handle. Because of the emotional pain Jan and I experienced during my battle with cancer, we sought the help of a Christian counselor.



I learned through the counseling process that anger is usually a response to three different emotions: fear, frustration or hurt – all of which are a part of the journey through the valley of suffering. Facing the reality of our fear, frustration and hurt is difficult, so most of us do our best to ignore those feelings. We bury those feelings deep inside – but they don’t go away – instead they can produce anger which then can produce guilt because we feel we have sinned.



BE ENCOURAGED. Anger is actually a God-given alarm within us that lets us know that there is something deeper going on inside of us. Anger, in and of itself, is not sin – it is just a secondary emotion. But the Scripture warns, when we feel anger we need to deal with it immediately OR ELSE the anger will control us – then causing us to sin – giving a foothold to the devil.



Now I know how scary it is to acknowledge and talk about those deep emotions. It was scary for me then and it is still scary!! But as I learned how to talk about those feelings, I began to free myself from the tyranny of my anger. When I dealt with the core issues inside, I was less inclined to express anger in situations where there was no cause.



I now know when I don’t deal with the core issues; my anger will build inside and eventually cause pain for the people I love the most.



Most people view anger as the number one negative emotion. However, anger is a God-given emotion that, when understood and used as God intended, has tremendous potential for good.
GARY J. OLIVER, PH.D.



On the journey with you,
Dave Dravecky

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