An Awakening from Brokenness, Grief, Healing, Hope, Words of Endurance

What marvelous love the Father has extended to us!
Just look at it—we’re called children of God!
That’s who we really are.
1 JOHN 3:1 (THE MESSAGE)



So I asked God – after the imposter had been identified and my masks were removed – who am I? And I learned that I am a child of God – not just any child – but Abba’s child!



And because we are his children,
God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts,
prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.”
Now you are no longer a slave but God’s own child.
And since you are his child, God has made you his heir.
GALATIANS 4:4-7 (NLT)



And I learned that I am loved regardless of my imperfections! This was so important for me to know because I have so many imperfections and every time one of them is exposed I feel shame and want to hide for fear that I will lose His love but what is even more exciting to me is that as children of God we are assured …



“… that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love.”
ROMANS 8:38 (NLT)



And nothing can change who we truly are – we are Abba’s children! Brennan Manning shares in Abba’s Child …



“My dignity as Abba’s child is my most
coherent sense of self. When I seek to
fashion a self-image from the adulation
of others and the inner voice whispers,
‘You’ve arrived; you’re a player in the
Kingdom Enterprise,’ there is no truth
in that self-concept. When I sink into
despondency and the inner voice whispers,
‘You are no good, a fraud, a hypocrite, and
a dilettante,’ there is no truth in any image
shaped from that message. As Gerald May
has noted, “It is important to recognize
these self-commentaries for the mind tricks
they are. They have nothing to do with our
real dignity. How we view ourselves at any
given moment may have very little to do
with who we really are.”



So because of whom we really are we can experience an intimate, trusting and loving relationship with our Abba Father freeing us to live the resurrection life that has been given to us from Him. We need not live our lives fearfully but fearlessly on the expectant adventure that our Papa will love and lead us through till we receive our eternal inheritance!



This resurrection life you received from God
is not a timid, grave-tending life.
It’s adventurously expectant,
greeting God with a childlike
“What’s next, Papa?”
God’s Spirit touches our spirits
and confirms who we really are.
We know who he is,
and we know who we are:
Father and children.
And we know we are going
to get what’s coming to us—
an unbelievable inheritance!
ROMANS 8:15-17 (THE MESSAGE)



On the Journey with You,
Jan Dravecky

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An Awakening from Brokenness, Grief, Healing, Hope, Words of Endurance

Come quickly, Lord, and answer me,
for my depression deepens.
Don’t turn away from me,
or I will die.
Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning,
for I am trusting you.
Show me where to walk,
for I give myself to you.
Rescue me from my enemies, Lord;
I run to you to hide me.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God.
May your gracious Spirit lead me forward
on a firm footing.
PSALM 143:7-10 (NLT)



I asked God to show me. Show me the masks I have worn. Show me why I began to wear them in the first place. Show me the evolution of my imposter. I asked God – as King David did …



Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I’m about;
See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.
PSALM 139:23-24 (THE MESSAGE)



Almost immediately the Holy Spirit began to show me. He showed me that I was the first born of two parents who were also first born. I was born a very strong-willed child – it was in my genes. Because of my self-determined, self-sufficient will I was not easy for my parents to raise. To make matters worse my younger brother was quite the opposite – a very compliant child – much easier to raise than me. So when I displayed my strong will I was often compared to him and then I was told that I was more like the least liked members of our family and I knew even at my young age that was not good!



God also showed me that I was blessed – often times it has felt like a curse – with an extremely sensitive spirit. I always have felt and sensed much more than the average person. I not only experience my own emotional pain but I also feel and experience all the pain that others are experiencing. (Often times I think I experience way more pain than they actually feel.) So I was labeled as “overly sensitive” and a “drama queen” because my face always expressed what I was feeling. I knew, too, that was not good!



So early on I learned that it was not good for me to be me and I needed to change if I wanted to please others. I hid who I truly was and I became whatever others needed me to be. I became a chameleon so I would be liked and accepted by all. I was also a good actress so it was easy for me to portray myself as someone else – someone totally different from me. The problem was that after a whole lifetime of acting to please others – even God – I lost – even forgot – who I truly was. I lost myself in the process.



But as sad as this scenario seems what is awesome is that God answered my cries and showed me who He created me to be. He exposed my imposter – removed my masks – lifted my shame and showed me how marvelously He made me. It was finally OK for me to be me because I was His creation!



You also are His marvelous creation. Do you know who you truly are? Are you like me – actually ashamed of who you are? If your answer is yes then my prayer for you is that you too experience the freedom to be who He created you to be. I pray that you – along with King David and me – will be able to proclaim to our Father …



Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
PSALM 139:13-14 (THE MESSAGE)



On the Journey with You,
Jan Dravecky

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An Awakening from Brokenness, Healing, Words of Endurance

You’re the One I’ve violated,
and you’ve seen it all,
seen the full extent of my evil.
You have all the facts before you;
whatever you decide about me is fair.
I’ve been out of step with you for a long time,
in the wrong since before I was born.
What you’re after is truth from the inside out.
Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life.
PSALM 51:4-6 (THE MESSAGE)



Truth from the inside out – that is what I wanted desperately. I knew from past experiences –past monumental moments of my life – I needed to once again get to the root of my weakness – my sin. I needed God through His Holy Spirit who had seen it all to expose those lies that I believed – the lies that motivated me to continually end up burnt out and broken. I knew that unless those lies were exposed and pulled out by the root and then replaced with His Truth that I would be destined to repeat the history of my life – burnout and then breakdown.



I had always told my kids to face the truth head on. I remember saying to them “if it is not the truth then what good is it?” It was time for me to practice what I preached – face the truth head on and not be afraid because as Abba’s Child, God has promised to lead us to truth – His Truth and the truth about ourselves.



“When the Spirit of truth comes,
he will guide you into all truth.”
JOHN 16:13 (NLT)



God had shown me the Truth before – I knew He would show me again. So unafraid I, too, cried out, as did King David, enter me, then; conceive a new, true life because I knew nothing but the Truth would satisfy my thirsty soul. I knew that He knew me inside out and my Abba Father would gently expose what I could not see myself because …



How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart?
Cleanse me from these hidden faults.
PSALM 19:12 (NLT)



And this is exactly what God did for me – He showed me my hidden faults – faults that I had no idea existed within me – lies that I believed to be true. The revelation of these truths about myself helped to set me free.



“… And you will know the truth,
and the truth will set you free.”
JOHN 832 (NLT)



My prayer for you is that when you don’t understand why you do what you do and why history keeps repeating itself in your life that you not be afraid and allow God to show you the truth about yourself and you too will experience the freedom that only He can give.



So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.
JOHN 8:36 (NLT)



On the Journey with You,
Jan Dravecky

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Grief, Guilt, Healing, Hope, Words of Endurance

I can anticipate the response that is coming: “I know that all God’s commands are spiritual, but I’m not.
Isn’t this also your experience?”
Yes. I’m full of myself—after all,
I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison.
What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way,
but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise.
So if I can’t be trusted to figure out
what is best for myself and then do it,
it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.
But I need something more!
For if I know the law but still can’t keep it,
and if the power of sin within me
keeps sabotaging my best intentions,
I obviously need help!
I realize that I don’t have what it takes.
I can will it, but I can’t do it.
I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it;
I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway.
My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions.
Something has gone wrong deep within me
and gets the better of me every time.
It happens so regularly that it’s predictable.
The moment I decide to do good,
sin is there to trip me up.
I truly delight in God’s commands,
but it’s pretty obvious that
not all of me joins in that delight.
Parts of me covertly rebel,
and just when I least expect it,
they take charge.
I’ve tried everything and nothing helps.
I’m at the end of my rope.
Is there no one who can do anything for me?
Isn’t that the real question?
The answer, thank God, is that
Jesus Christ can and does.
He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions
where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind,
but am pulled by the influence of sin
to do something totally different.
ROMANS 7:15-25 (THE MESSAGE)



Sorry for the long Scripture text but I just had to share it all because it is every bit of my experience in my walk with God. “Isn’t this also your experience?”



I don’t know about you but this has been a constant struggle on my journey – what is that struggle? That struggle has been a constant repeat of the history of my sin and weaknesses! I can’t tell you the countless times that I have hit bottom after once again relying on my own strengths – trusting in my own abilities to get things done – my inability to say no – resulting in major burnout and depression. What is so humbling about each time I fall into that pit is that I have no one to blame but myself! And what is even more upsetting is that I know better and I know The Answer but like Paul I find myself crying out “I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me?”



Each time I hit bottom my initial reaction is to run from God not to Him. Guilt and shame keep me wanting to hide just like Adam and Eve. But because I know that the only One who can do anything for me is Jesus Christ I return to Him – broken and limping I surrender myself to Him – confessing my sin and accepting my inability to fix myself. I return to Him because He promises …



“… Return to me so I can return to you,”
says God-of-the-Angel-Armies …
MALACHI 3:7 (THE MESSAGE)



“… No one who hopes in me ever regrets it.”
ISAIAH 49:23 (THE MESSAGE)



And I thank God that every time I return to Him and place my hope in Him – He guides me up out of that pit of sin and death – growing me up on the journey. Through the power of the Holy Spirit that lives within me my dilemma is resolved!



I don’t mean to leave you hanging here though. Over the next several weeks I will be sharing honestly how I have journeyed back to Him time and time again. It is so good for me and for all of us to remember …



With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah,
that fateful dilemma is resolved.
Those who enter into Christ’s being-here-for-us
no longer have to live
under a continuous, low-lying black cloud.
A new power is in operation.
The Spirit of life in Christ,
like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air,
freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny
at the hands of sin and death.
ROMANS 8:1-2 (THE MESSAGE)



On the Journey with You,
Jan Dravecky

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Discovering Who I Am, Healing, Hope, Words of Endurance

Become wise by walking with the wise;
hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces.
PROVERBS 13:20 (THE MESSAGE)



With all the “aha moments” that I have experienced over the past several years – one that has caused me to do a one-eighty in my thinking was learning to reflect and discern the friends who are the positive influencers in my life. See I always thought that the positive influencers in my life – the “wise” – were those who spurned me on in my walk to be more Christ-like – who I believed to be wiser than I because they knew how to “fix” me and would lead me in the right direction.



But I have learned the truth is that no one is capable of fixing me – except for God. It is not my friend’s responsibility to fix me nor is it my responsibility to fix my friends. Thank you God! But it is our responsibility to love one another and be positive influencers in one another lives. This I can do!



There are two very distinctly different kinds of friends formed by two very distinctly different rooms.



It would be great, at this point, to reflect on those who’ve had or are attempting to have influence in your life.



Negative influencers will demand your trust of them, as a condition of their support. But it is a trust for their benefit not yours.



Positive influencers ask permission to earn trust. They will wait for permission to be let in. They put the onus on themselves, not you.



Negative influencers will see you as a sinner who needs help becoming a saint. Their goal will be fixing your issues.



Positive influencers will see you as a saint who still fails. Their goal will be to foster an environment where nothing stays hidden.



Negative influencers will measure your righteousness by how little you sin.



Positive influencers are convinced you are righteous, so they’re interested in how you’re receiving and giving love. They know that striving to sin less will not mean you love more, but that living in love will mean you are sinning less.



In the Room of Good Intentions I make you accountable to me so I can control your behavior. The result is that you end up hiding, resenting and mistrusting me. Unresolved issues remain unresolved.



In the Room of Grace I want to earn your trust so I can love you and be loved by you. The result is that you might want to give me permission to protect you, so you end up hiding nothing in the safety of my commitment. Unresolved issues are brought into the light for healing. THE CURE (JOHN LYNCH, BRUCE MCNICOL, BILL THRALL



I no longer desire to fix my friends or journey with those who want to fix me but I do desire to do life with friends with whom I can trust who I truly am. I desire doing life with a few good friends – those positive influencers – who will love me and will walk alongside me through the good times and the bad.



“Let me give you a new command: Love one another.
In the same way I loved you, you love one another.
This is how everyone will recognize
that you are my disciples—
when they see the love you have for each other.”
JOHN 13:34-35 (THE MESSAGE)



On the Journey with You,
Dave Dravecky

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Grace, Healing, Words of Endurance

… with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace …
ROMANS 5:20 (THE MESSAGE)



Step one for me was to make a vertical transaction with God – asking God for His forgiveness for my sin and forgiving he who had sinned against me and hurt me deeply. I brought this before God because I knew that only through God’s power I would be able to forgive and then ultimately be healed.



This step did bring healing to my heart and allowed me to see my offender’s sin against me through the eyes of God with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. Only through the eyes of grace could I truly forgive him with no desire for revenge or justice. It was only then that I could move forward horizontally to meet with my Christian brother – ask him to forgive me for my part and move on with grace for him whether he repented and asked for forgiveness or not.



The truth is that he never repented or asked for forgiveness but I walked away from meeting with him set free – set free from the hook that had hold of my heart for way too long. I had forgiven him with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace.



I actually feel sad for him that he has not been able to receive the same healing that I did. I had attempted for reconciliation and have continued to do so but to no avail and I am at peace with that – I carry no bitterness. I truly do love him but it is only because of God’s love and grace for me. I am grateful I learned that …



Grace always invites rather than demands reconciliation. An apology may push the issue away for the moment but it won’t heal a relationship, and it rarely solves any issue.



The courage to refuse quick fixes and to engage long and vulnerably enough to woo honest, humble reconciliation from the depths of our new hearts … this is the work of human beings loving with the love of Jesus.
THE CURE (JOHN LYNCH, BRUCE MCNICOL, BILL THRALL)



Maybe you, too, have been hurt deeply and have been carrying that hook in your heart for way too long. May I encourage you to take the vertical Step One bringing your pain and unforgiveness before God – He knows and understands. Only He is able to give you the power to forgive and then take the horizontal Step Two of the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. Through God’s Grace there is life …



Grace, because God is putting
everything together again through the Messiah,
invites us into life—
a life that goes on and on and on,
world without end.
ROMANS 5:21 (THE MESSAGE)



On the Journey with You,
Dave Dravecky

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Discovering Who I Am, Grace, Healing, Words of Endurance

At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask,
“Master, how many times do I forgive
a brother or sister who hurts me?
Seven?”
Jesus replied, “Seven! Hardly.
Try seventy times seven.
MATTHEW 18:21 (THE MESSAGE)



I can honestly tell you that it has only been over the past five years that I have had to learn to forgive and it was someone who had hurt me deeply. And what made it even more painful was that it was a Christian brother. I know that this is unusual being that I am 57 years old but it is the truth and I can tell you that I experienced such deep pain that I thought I would never be able to forgive that person.



What made it so difficult was that I also needed forgiveness for my part. But I remembered that the Apostle Paul declared …



Make allowance for each other’s faults,
and forgive anyone who offends you.
Remember, the Lord forgave you,
so you must forgive others.
COLOSSIANS 3:13 (NLT)



But regardless of how much I knew that I needed to forgive him – I simply did not know how! Ever been there? Well I was fortunate enough to get some wise counsel from the book, The Cure, and I want to share that wisdom with you.



Forgiveness has an order. We must initiate the vertical transaction with God before we can move into the horizontal transaction with another. First, before God, I forgive the offender (s) for what they’ve done and the consequences they’ve borne in my life. This is before God and me and it does not excuse any action. It does not restore relational forgiveness to the other. This is the vertical transaction. It is a choice to free myself, to begin healing.



Trusting God’s character, strength. love and protection, I place the entire list of consequences and loss into His hands. This is a big decision. It’s a scary beautiful, overwhelming moment of trust.



I actually imagine removing every effect of that sin and placing it onto God. I hand over everything. I trust God will not mock me or ignore this or forget my pain. I trust He will protect me and defend my heart, bring beauty out of hurt. I trust He will cleanse me as He promised.



I am giving up my rights to decide what is best for that person or myself. I’m handing the case over to the only Judge who can see the entire story and who loves both the offender and the victim perfectly.



This is a unique moment when faith becomes a risked action. I’m putting everything on the line because after all this is my life my pain my reputation. Never is the proof of new life more evident than when I cede control because of my trust in His character, love and power.



Then the whole incident moves out of my sphere into God’s.



Only then will I be freed to go to my offender and forgive him. If I don’t get this right – if I attempt to forgive, unclean before God – I move toward my offender in veiled bitterness, judgment and a spirit of retribution. I bring the residue of unresolved sin into the equation and everyone can smell it.



If I say, “I’m not going to forgive until he repents,” I end up in resentment. In my unwillingness to forgive before God, I become the issue.



The question then is how do I know I’ve actually forgiven someone who’s sinned against me? Answer: The moment I can offer that person my love again. When forgiveness stays only in my mind, as a formula or technique, it doesn’t sink deep into my heart.



When I choose to let go, to forgive vertically before God, it’s like huge cement bags have been lifted off my shoulders. It’s like coming out of a moldy basement with a a cement floor and suddenly breathing ocean air on the sand at Big Sur. It feels like being home.



And now, I’m ready to move on.
THE CURE (JOHN LYNCH, BRUCE MCNICHOL, BILL THRALL)



And so my first step was a vertical move to bring it before God because I knew I was unable to force this in my own strength. It was the first step in the right direction.



It is not by force nor by strength,
but by my Spirit,
says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.
ZECHARIAH 4:6 (NLT)



On the Journey with You,
Dave Dravecky

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Discovering Who I Am, Healing, Peace, Words of Endurance

“God judges persons differently than humans do.
Men and women look at the face;
God looks into the heart.”
1 SAMUEL 16:7 (THE MESSAGE)



I have learned that the masks that I wore were pretty much useless because God bypasses any mask that we wear and goes straight for the heart. After all Jesus did say to the Apostle John on the Island of Patmos that …



… appearances don’t impress me.
REVELATION 2:23 (THE MESSAGE)



So even though the Scriptures share that …



The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,
a puzzle that no one can figure out.
JEREMIAH 17:9 (THE MESSAGE)



We can feel safe with God and trust that as He searches our “dark and deceitful” hearts that He will get to the “root of things” if our hearts need changing …



But I, God, search the heart
and examine the mind.
I get to the heart of the human.
I get to the root of things.
I treat them as they really are,
not as they pretend to be.”
JEREMIAH 17:9-10 (THE MESSAGE)



And He will give us a “new heart” as He has promised …



I’ll give you a new heart.
I’ll put a new spirit in you.
I’ll cut out your stone heart
and replace it with a red-blooded, firm-muscled heart.
Then you’ll obey my statutes
and be careful to obey my commands.
You’ll be my people! I’ll be your God!
EZEKIEL 11:19-20 (THE MESSAGE)



And then there will be no need for any mask because our hearts will reflect what He is doing in our hearts …



Just as water mirrors your face,
so your face mirrors your heart.
PROVERBS 27:19 (THE MESSAGE)



On the Journey with You,
Dave Dravecky

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Discovering Who I Am, Healing, Peace, Words of Endurance

Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did,
God removes the veil and there they are—face-to-face!
They suddenly recognize that God
is a living, personal presence,
not a piece of chiseled stone.
And when God is personally present, a living Spirit,
that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete.
We’re free of it! All of us!
Nothing between us and God,
our faces shining with the brightness of his face.
And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah,
our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful
as God enters our lives and we become like him.
2 CORINTHIANS 3:16-18



I have only recently discovered that a major step in maturing is that I must discard the masks that I have developed and worn through the years. I did not honestly know that I wore any masks because through the years I have been more than open about my own personal struggles but the truth is that we all wear masks – all for different reasons.



I personally have developed these masks not only to protect myself from being truly known but to protect others and even to protect God from who I truly am. I have discovered that behind my mask of strength and confidence is a root of fear and self-doubt. Feeling shame and not wanting anyone to know this part of me I have used anger as a way of steering others away – enabling me to hide those fears of failure, inadequacy and frustration.



“That’s why revealing the origins of our masks is so important.
We need to see ourselves objectively within our story,
to see what drives the responses tripping us up.
Our controlling behavior is rarely random.
It’s triggered by unresolved junk,
and if we begin to understand the process of unresolved sin,
we may no longer react to each new provocation
like lemmings sprinting for the nearest cliff.
Our masks are a symptom, not a root cause,
a fever indicating a raging infection deep inside.
We must expose this dark dynamic compelling us to protect ourselves.”
THE CURE (JOHN LYNCH, BRUCE MCNICOL, BILL THRALL)



How freeing it is to know who I truly am does not need to be hidden in the dark behind a mask but it needs to be brought out into the light and the “brightness of His face “– fully exposed – so that I may be healed and “transfigured much like the Messiah.”



How awesome is it that “God removes the veil” – the masks – and there we are – “face to face” with Him! There is to be “nothing between us and God” and what is even more awesome is that He is “personally present” – we are fully known by Him – He knows us inside out and yet He still loves us. Oh how great and unfathomable is the Grace of God!



On the Journey with You,
Dave Dravecky

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Discovering Who I Am, Guilt, Healing, Words of Endurance

“Cursed is the strong one
who depends on mere humans,
Who thinks he can make it on muscle alone
and sets God aside as dead weight.
He’s like a tumbleweed on the prairie,
out of touch with the good earth.
He lives rootless and aimless
in a land where nothing grows.”
JEREMIAH 17:5-6 (THE MESSAGE)



After I committed my life to Christ I felt that I needed to change my sinful ways. After all I wanted to please God and as I reflect back on those early days of my journey with Christ I felt responsible to “fix” me – on my “muscle alone” – not God’s. I had high expectations of myself – in my own power and strength – to perform well for God.



I also had those high expectations of my wife and children. And I am ashamed to admit now that when they did not meet those expectations – when they would fail, sin and expose their weaknesses – I would shame them by asking them if their actions were “glorifying to God.”



Jan would always respond to me, “Sure I can perform and change my outsides but what about my sinful insides? What about the part of me that still sins but I won’t dare let others see or more truthfully that you don’t want others to see? But I know that God sees that part of me! What good is it to appear to be holy on the outside when your heart is still raging and desires sin? To me that is being a phony! I want my insides to match my outsides! I need God to change my heart because obviously I don’t know how!”



I, too, have learned that I did not know how to bring lasting change to my heart. Unfortunately, when our outsides do not match our insides what is on the inside – through the seasons of life – will eventually make its way to the outside. Unless God does the maturing or changing of our hearts “our maturing” will be like the “tumbleweed on the prairie” being tossed and blown by the wind. The Truth is we don’t know how to mature our hearts but the Good News is that God does!



“But blessed is the man who trusts me, God,
the woman who sticks with God.
They’re like trees replanted in Eden,
putting down roots near the rivers—
Never a worry through the hottest of summers,
never dropping a leaf,
Serene and calm through droughts,
bearing fresh fruit every season.”
JEREMIAH 17:7-8 (THE MESSAGE)



Fortunately God has been showing me that it is fruitless to try to perform and please Him without trusting Him. I have learned that trusting God leads to a dependence on Him that He will mature me from the inside out – not through any self-effort. If I want to grow and mature I need to trust God to establish those deep roots that will enable me to endure the seasons of life.



Instead fix your attention on God.
You’ll be changed from the inside out.
Readily recognize what he wants from you,
and quickly respond to it.
Unlike the culture around you,
always dragging you down to its level of immaturity,
God brings the best out of you,
develops well-formed maturity in you.
ROMANS 12:2 (THE MESSAGE)



On the Journey with You,
Dave Dravecky

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