Depression, Grief, Healing, On the Journey Together, Prayer, Words of Endurance

Listen, God! Please pay attention!
Can you make sense of these ramblings,
my groans and cries?
King-God, I need your help.
PSALM 5:1-2 (THE MESSAGE)



I have struggled off and on with depression all of my adult life. For years now I have pleaded with God to remove this “thorn in my flesh.” But after years of counseling and many attempts to get off my antidepressant I had resigned myself to the fact that this was the way I was wired and it was a burden that I would forever bear till I meet Jesus on the other side.



I thought I could maintain status quo and get by but my issues have worsened over the years. I have always known that I was a flaming people-pleasing codependent but I did not realize how that had eroded me spiritually, physically and emotionally. It has reared its ugly head in my relationship with God and family – leaving me empty inside – not knowing who I truly was – causing me to turn to addiction to numb my pain – not God.



What I am so elated over is that God has not left me here in my state of despair. While I am still in the midst of my healing and discovery I now know that He who began a good work in me will see it to the day of completion. (Philippians 1:6) For the first time in a long time my hope has been restored.



He has heard my prayer and blessed me with a wonderful, understanding and patient husband, an insightful and wise counselor and wonderful supportive friends. Another layer of the onion is being peeled and hopefully the root of codependency is being pulled out – I am still in the process – the process is painful but it is worth it. I now pray …



Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I’m about;
See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong –
then guide me on the road to eternal life.
Psalm 139:23-24 (THE MESSAGE)



On The Journey With You,
Jan Dravecky

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Grief, Pain, Prayer, Relationships, The Treasure of Relationships, Words of Endurance

Then the Lord God said,
“It is not good for the man to be alone.”
GENESIS 2:18 (NLT)



It is not good for anyone to do life alone but there was a time in my life when I thought I didn’t really need relationships. Sure I appreciated my family and friends but I had no idea that having healthy relationships was absolutely essential to a healthy life. I didn’t realize God had created us in such a way that we simply cannot live without relationships but my need for close healthy relationship would be enlightened when Dave and I entered our valley of suffering.



I discovered that when we go through times of adversity or suffering our need for others intensifies – and that can be a problem. Why? Because any kind of pain, adversity or suffering will test our relationships.



We aren’t at our best when we hurt. Our weaknesses, flaws and ugliness rise to the surface and the result isn’t pretty. We offend others more easily and we are more easily offended. Under that pressure, relationships can crumble. At the very time we need good relationships the most, those relationships often become more difficult.



The good news is that it is possible to honestly and lovingly work through the relational difficulties that suffering exposes. Relationships can grow and mature to become true treasures under the pressure of suffering. We can emerge from the darkness of suffering with healthier, stronger relationships – I know that from my own personal experience.



My prayer is that in the upcoming Words of Endurance that they will help you see the true value of your relationships and enable you to deal with the inevitable relational challenges one faces in the darkness. I know personally the refining process may be difficult and painful but I also know the rewards of stronger and healthier relationships are absolutely unbelievable and priceless!



Friends love through all kinds of weather,
and families stick together in all kinds of trouble.
PROVERBS 17:17 (THE MESSAGE)



Praying for all who are seeking the treasure,
Jan Dravecky

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Grief, Loss, Perspectives, Words of Endurance

A healthy spirit conquers adversity,
but what can you do when the spirit is crushed?
PROVERBS 18:14 (THE MESSAGE)



If we live long enough – broken bodies, damaged relationships or tattered dreams will eventually lead us through the valley of suffering. Many of us who sojourn through that misty lowland find that our perspectives on life, God and suffering are shattered along the way. What we believe as we descend into that valley is often not what we believe when we finally emerge.



Consider the story of Job for example. Job’s story was probably the first portion of the Bible to be written and it reveals the drama of one man’s traumatic journey through suffering. Despite his horrific loss of family, fortune and health, Job entered the valley with a noble perspective on suffering. He didn’t resign himself to bitterness. He didn’t succumb to his wife’s advice to “curse God and die.” Initially, his perspective was firmly intact:



Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
naked I’ll return to the womb of the earth.
God gives, God takes.
God’s name be ever blessed.
JOB 1:21 (THE MESSAGE)



But as his suffering wore on without resolution Job started asking questions – questions that revealed the growing stress cracks in his perspective on life.



Job was widely revered as one of the godliest men in the land. He walked with God daily and trusted God to take care of him. So when the circumstances of his life continued to go from bad to worse, Job didn’t know what to make of it. How could a good God allow such terrible suffering to continue? Why wasn’t God taking care of him? He cried out …



Let up on me, will you?
Can’t you even let me spit in peace?
Even suppose I’d sinned—how would that hurt you?
You’re responsible for every human being.
Don’t you have better things to do than pick on me?
JOB 7:19-20 (THE MESSAGE)



For chapter upon chapter we can read Job’s questions regarding what he had believed about life, righteousness, relationships, justice, mercy, wisdom – and yes, even his relationship with God. Job’s perspective on life and the reason for his suffering was completely shattered. Try as he might he could not make his beliefs about suffering line up with his experience. What a devastating blow! He easily could have become callous and hardened toward God – prolonged suffering and unanswered questions can do that to a person.



But interspersed among Job’s wrestling with the questions, we also see the rock-solid elements of a perspective that held up under the pressure. Listen to the precious nuggets he shouted out across the valley of suffering:



God’s wisdom is so deep, God’s power so immense,
who could take him on and come out in one piece?
JOB 9:4 (THE MESSAGE)



Because even if he killed me,
I’d keep on hoping.
JOB 13:15 (THE MESSAGE)



Still, I know that God lives—
the One who gives me back my life—
and eventually he’ll take his stand on earth.
JOB 19:25 (THE MESSAGE)



No matter how dim his view of what he experienced on earth, Job had one perspective that never shattered – Job knew that God was God and he revered and feared God’s awesome power and authority. Despite all he did not understand – Job knew without a doubt that God was the only one who could redeem him.



God honored Job’s perspective. In time, God delivered him from his suffering and blessed him beyond what he could have imagined. And in a stunning twist of perspective we can see that Job’s experience of suffering was more of an expression of God’s confidence in Job than His contempt.



Job had no idea that his response to suffering made him a key player in a heavenly battle but God has revealed the whole story – the reason for Job’s suffering – to us. Perhaps that is one reason God gave us the book of Job so early in history. Perhaps God knew how much we needed a glimpse behind the scenes – a grander perspective in the valley of suffering so that we could say with Job …



You asked,
‘Who is this that questions
my wisdom with such ignorance?’
It is I—and I was talking about things
I knew nothing about,
things far too wonderful for me.
JOB 42:3 (NLT)



On the Journey with You,
Dave & Jan Dravecky

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Grief, Perspectives, Words of Endurance

Having come face to face with a life-changing illness,
I now have a different perspective on life.
DAVE DRAVECKY



Although we may not realize it, each of us has a formulated view on what life is supposed to look like and how it is supposed to work. When life is going well we may not be aware of our perspective or recognize how much it shapes our response to life. But our perspective has a powerful impact and when adversity strikes – many of us find that our perspective is shaken to the core.



Before I was diagnosed with cancer my perspective on life was pretty limited. Life had been going my way up to that point and it was good. I knew pain and suffering happened but as an athlete, I felt that I could conquer anything. I was young – in great shape – I was living my dream. I thought pain and suffering would happen to the other guy – not me.



Now I know better. As is true for many people my cancer diagnosis blew apart my naïve perspective on life. It forced me to realize that life wasn’t what I had assumed it would be. I held onto a few nuggets of truth but I began to question much of what I thought I believed. It was scary and humbling to realize I didn’t have life figured out quite as well as I thought I had. It was tough to abandon the expectation that everything would always be fine and to accept that I no longer lived in that safe world.



Over a period of time, however, I reevaluated my assumptions and gained a new perspective on life. That new way of thinking became essential in dealing with what had happened to me. It helped me learn to take life one day at a time – to dream and plan for the future but not to take the time I have for granted.



I think suffering, adversity, and tragedy are supposed to change your perspective. My illness sounded an alarm that caused me to react and take action so that I can give the greatest amount of attention to what really matters.



That was 25 years ago and thanks to God’s Spirit my perspective continues to mature and be lifted to new heights with each passing year, every gray hair and each stormy trial.



If there’s anything we need in a stormy trial,
it’s perspective …
When we catch the updrafts of God’s Spirit
and are lifted to new heights,
trials look extraordinarily different.
JONI EARECKSON TADA



On the Journey with You,
Dave Dravecky

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Cancer, Grief, Hope, Laughter, Words of Endurance

A cheerful heart brings a smile to your face;
a sad heart makes it hard to get through the day.
PROVERBS 15:13 (THE MESSAGE)



The topic of conversation was laughter, but you never would have guessed it from our friend Don’s expression. A successful businessman with more to do than hours in which to do it, he confessed – “I don’t know how to see the lighter side of life. I take life too seriously. I know I need to ‘lighten up’ but I literally don’t know how.”



Don isn’t alone. Carole feels the same way. Her husband’s death following a decade-long battle against cancer has left her with an overwhelming new job description – widow, single parent, and recovering but exhausted caregiver. “Some mornings,” she says, “it’s all I can do to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other.” Learning to lighten up simply isn’t on her to-do list. It’s all she can do to survive.



Been there?



Well so has Beth, whose husband Chad suffered from Lou Gehrig’s disease. Chad was diagnosed when she was pregnant with their second child. For the next eighteen years daily life in their home involved life-support equipment, feeding tubes and nurses.



Despite the challenges and uncertainty, their home was anything but gloomy. Early on in Chad’s battle, Beth made a conscious decision to look for the humor in every situation. She knew that if she didn’t the sorrow would overtake her and her family. As a result their home was full of life and laughter – lots of it!



For Beth humor was an important coping mechanism. She agrees wholeheartedly with the person who said, “Laughter is like changing a baby’s diaper – it doesn’t permanently solve any problems but it makes things more acceptable for a while.”



Beth has learned that she is not in control of the circumstances of life. She can control only how she responds to them. Her response is of the utmost importance because her response sets the emotional tone for her entire family. She can afford to lay her problems down – to loosen her grip – so they don’t consume her every thought. She can relax because she knows who controls the circumstances and who holds her in the protection of His hand.



But what encouragement is there for individuals such as Don and Carole who finds themselves in situations in which they simply are not able to see the lighter side and to make matters worse they may even feel guilty for not being able to lighten up? Oh but take heart because God gives us permission – even encouragement – to express the full range of our emotions. The Scripture says there is …



A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
ECCLESIASTES 3:4 (THE MESSAGE)



And in their book, Dear God, It’s Cancer, authors William Fintel, M.D. and Gerald McDermott, Ph.D. emphasize that …



“… both tears and laughter are gifts of God –
and you need them both
to make it through the trials of cancer.”



So no matter how many tears we shed – no matter how deep and dark the pit we found ourselves in – we have discovered on our own journey that there is always a time to laugh and it sure makes the journey easier to endure. As the comedian Bob Hope – who had the gift to make others laugh – said …



“I have seen what a laugh can do.
It can transform almost unbearable tears
into something bearable –
even hopeful.”



On the Journey with You,
Dave and Jan Dravecky

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Depression, Grief, Guilt, Laughter, Words of Endurance

The nights of crying your eyes out
give way to days of laughter.
PSALM 30:5 (THE MESSAGE)



Fortunately, the good news for all of us who have endured or are presently enduring a season of brokenness is that our crying will “give way to days of laughter” – that is God’s promise to his children – there is “a time to cry and a time to laugh”. Thank you Lord.



Jan and I can both testify that we did learn to laugh again in the midst of our adversities. We loved comedies and one of our favorite movies at the time was What About Bob – Jan could so identify with Bob! The movie’s humor allowed us to momentarily step out of our reality – get perspective, balance and increase our endorphins – the “feel good” chemicals our body produces when we laugh.



We know it isn’t always easy to find humor or to be humorous in the face of adversity. At our lowest point, God brought into our lives friends, Bob and Patty, who laughed all the time. Their laughter was contagious and through their influence we learned to choose to laugh when our circumstances went awry. They helped us see that we could look at a situation and be frustrated or we could laugh at the situation and build up our endorphins!



We even began to learn to laugh at ourselves. Our first experience at laughing at ourselves was when years ago we spoke at our home church about pain and suffering. For Jan it was always a little traumatic when we spoke together. She is “Miss Organized” and has to have everything planned out. I am more spontaneous and it drives her nuts. One of the last things she said to me before we spoke was, “Dave, please don’t digress. When you do that I don’t know what to say – please Dave, stick to the notes!!!”



I’ll let her finish the story …





“To my surprise our talk went well at the Saturday night service and again at the 8:00 am service on Sunday so by the 9:15 service – the only service they videotape and audiotape – I was feeling good. I was really comfortable – perhaps too comfortable – because in the middle of the presentation where I normally said prolonged stress affects the brain, I looked out into the congregation and said, prolonged sex affects the brain!!!! The audience gasped – I then realized what I had just said!

For a moment I was horrified and didn’t know what to do. Then I realized the humor in my mistake so I looked at Dave with a great big grin on my face and said I can’t believe I just said sex! My honesty gave everyone permission to laugh – and with that the congregation started to roar with laughter! Dave was rocking back and forth on his seat and had tears running down his face he was laughing so hard. Then he picked up his Jan prepared notes and said ‘I don’t know about you honey, but that isn’t in my notes!’ I then started to howl and the congregation howled with me!!!”





There we were in the midst of talking about pain and suffering and we were laughing! It took a few minutes for us to regain our composure and continue with our talk. It was good to learn later that after the service they sold a record number of audio and videotapes – this made us laugh again!



I realize that you may not be in a place where you can laugh right now. If that is your situation – don’t feel guilty. But do remember that laughter is a gift. It doesn’t mean we deny the reality of what is happening but it does provide a momentary distraction from the pain. It is a healthy diversion – good for the body as well as for the soul. When we choose to laugh our difficulties become easier to bear. It is also good to remember …



For everything there is a season,
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
ECCLESIASTES 3:4 (NLT)



On the Journey with You,
Dave Dravecky

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An Awakening from Brokenness, Grace, Grief, Words of Endurance

Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away.
Each time he said, “My grace is all you need.
My power works best in weakness.”
2 CORINTHIANS 12:9 (NLT)



During my season of brokenness, I can’t tell you the number of times that I begged for God to remove my weakness. I remember crying out in my prayers to Him – “How can I possibly serve you and minister to others in my weakness? What good can come from this?”



I remember how embarrassed I was for my weakened state – I apologized to everyone. I was so ashamed that I had failed and had become so useless for the kingdom of God. I felt worthless.



But I was so wrong. First of all, my worth is not found in what I do for God. My worth is in that I am His beloved child – priceless – that will never change! But to my surprise God showed me that my value – my usefulness for the kingdom – my ministry to others – was not born out of my strengths and successes but out of my failures and weaknesses. Wow!



I was encouraged when I read what Francios Fenelon, the Archbishop of Cambrai, France, wrote to the court of King Louis the Fourteenth almost five hundred years ago …



It is amazing how strong we can become
when we begin to realize what weaklings we are.
It is in weakness that we can admit our mistakes
and correct ourselves by confessing them.
It is in weakness that our minds are open
to enlightenment from others.
It is in weakness
that we are authoritative in nothing
and say the most clear-cut things
with simplicity and consideration for others.
In weakness, we do not object to being criticized
and we easily submit to censor.
At the same time we criticize
no one without absolute necessity.
We give advice only to those who desire it
and even then we speak with love
and without being dogmatic.
We speak from a desire to help,
rather than a desire to create
a reputation for wisdom.
FRANCOIS FENELON, LET GO



I accepted my weakness and I was humbled by my powerlessness yet I rejoiced in that the power of Christ could now work through me in a much more powerful way through my brokenness rather than my own personal strength.



The late Michael Yaconelli, the co-founder of Youth Specialties, validated my experience when a fter a retreat at the L’Arche community, Michael shared …



Finally I accepted my brokenness …
I knew I was a sinner.
I knew I continually disappointed God,
But I could never accept that part of me.
It was a part of me that embarrassed me.
I continually felt the need to apologize,
To run from my weakness,
To deny who I was and
Concentrate on what I should be …


I came to see that it was in my brokenness,
in my powerlessness,
in my weakness that Jesus was made strong.
It was in the acceptance of my lack of faith
that God could give me faith.
It was in the embracing of my brokenness
that I could identify with others’ brokenness.
It was my role to identify with others’ pain,
not relieve it.
Ministry was sharing, not dominating;
understanding, not theologizing;
caring, not fixing.
MICHAEL YACONELLI (Excerpt from ABBA’S CHILD)



There is true freedom for me knowing that I don’t have to relieve, dominate, theologize or fix anyone else’s pain in order to minister and encourage them. But it is validating one’s pain by identifying, sharing, understanding and caring where true ministry and encouragement through the power of the Holy Spirit takes place.



So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses,
so that the power of Christ can work through me.
That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses,
and in the insults, hardships, persecutions,
and troubles that I suffer for Christ.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 CORINTHIANS 12:9-10 (NLT)



On the Journey with You,
Jan Dravecky

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An Awakening from Brokenness, Grief, Healing, Hope, Words of Endurance

What marvelous love the Father has extended to us!
Just look at it—we’re called children of God!
That’s who we really are.
1 JOHN 3:1 (THE MESSAGE)



So I asked God – after the imposter had been identified and my masks were removed – who am I? And I learned that I am a child of God – not just any child – but Abba’s child!



And because we are his children,
God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts,
prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.”
Now you are no longer a slave but God’s own child.
And since you are his child, God has made you his heir.
GALATIANS 4:4-7 (NLT)



And I learned that I am loved regardless of my imperfections! This was so important for me to know because I have so many imperfections and every time one of them is exposed I feel shame and want to hide for fear that I will lose His love but what is even more exciting to me is that as children of God we are assured …



“… that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love.”
ROMANS 8:38 (NLT)



And nothing can change who we truly are – we are Abba’s children! Brennan Manning shares in Abba’s Child …



“My dignity as Abba’s child is my most
coherent sense of self. When I seek to
fashion a self-image from the adulation
of others and the inner voice whispers,
‘You’ve arrived; you’re a player in the
Kingdom Enterprise,’ there is no truth
in that self-concept. When I sink into
despondency and the inner voice whispers,
‘You are no good, a fraud, a hypocrite, and
a dilettante,’ there is no truth in any image
shaped from that message. As Gerald May
has noted, “It is important to recognize
these self-commentaries for the mind tricks
they are. They have nothing to do with our
real dignity. How we view ourselves at any
given moment may have very little to do
with who we really are.”



So because of whom we really are we can experience an intimate, trusting and loving relationship with our Abba Father freeing us to live the resurrection life that has been given to us from Him. We need not live our lives fearfully but fearlessly on the expectant adventure that our Papa will love and lead us through till we receive our eternal inheritance!



This resurrection life you received from God
is not a timid, grave-tending life.
It’s adventurously expectant,
greeting God with a childlike
“What’s next, Papa?”
God’s Spirit touches our spirits
and confirms who we really are.
We know who he is,
and we know who we are:
Father and children.
And we know we are going
to get what’s coming to us—
an unbelievable inheritance!
ROMANS 8:15-17 (THE MESSAGE)



On the Journey with You,
Jan Dravecky

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An Awakening from Brokenness, Grief, Healing, Hope, Words of Endurance

Come quickly, Lord, and answer me,
for my depression deepens.
Don’t turn away from me,
or I will die.
Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning,
for I am trusting you.
Show me where to walk,
for I give myself to you.
Rescue me from my enemies, Lord;
I run to you to hide me.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God.
May your gracious Spirit lead me forward
on a firm footing.
PSALM 143:7-10 (NLT)



I asked God to show me. Show me the masks I have worn. Show me why I began to wear them in the first place. Show me the evolution of my imposter. I asked God – as King David did …



Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I’m about;
See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.
PSALM 139:23-24 (THE MESSAGE)



Almost immediately the Holy Spirit began to show me. He showed me that I was the first born of two parents who were also first born. I was born a very strong-willed child – it was in my genes. Because of my self-determined, self-sufficient will I was not easy for my parents to raise. To make matters worse my younger brother was quite the opposite – a very compliant child – much easier to raise than me. So when I displayed my strong will I was often compared to him and then I was told that I was more like the least liked members of our family and I knew even at my young age that was not good!



God also showed me that I was blessed – often times it has felt like a curse – with an extremely sensitive spirit. I always have felt and sensed much more than the average person. I not only experience my own emotional pain but I also feel and experience all the pain that others are experiencing. (Often times I think I experience way more pain than they actually feel.) So I was labeled as “overly sensitive” and a “drama queen” because my face always expressed what I was feeling. I knew, too, that was not good!



So early on I learned that it was not good for me to be me and I needed to change if I wanted to please others. I hid who I truly was and I became whatever others needed me to be. I became a chameleon so I would be liked and accepted by all. I was also a good actress so it was easy for me to portray myself as someone else – someone totally different from me. The problem was that after a whole lifetime of acting to please others – even God – I lost – even forgot – who I truly was. I lost myself in the process.



But as sad as this scenario seems what is awesome is that God answered my cries and showed me who He created me to be. He exposed my imposter – removed my masks – lifted my shame and showed me how marvelously He made me. It was finally OK for me to be me because I was His creation!



You also are His marvelous creation. Do you know who you truly are? Are you like me – actually ashamed of who you are? If your answer is yes then my prayer for you is that you too experience the freedom to be who He created you to be. I pray that you – along with King David and me – will be able to proclaim to our Father …



Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
PSALM 139:13-14 (THE MESSAGE)



On the Journey with You,
Jan Dravecky

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An Awakening from Brokenness, Grief, Guilt, Hope, Prayer, Words of Endurance

Going through the motions doesn’t please you,
a flawless performance is nothing to you.
I learned God-worship
when my pride was shattered.
Heart-shattered lives ready for love
don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.
PSALM 51:16-17 (THE MESSAGE)



Each time I have hit bottom – I am left feeling broken and weak. What is even more painful for me is that I have no one to blame but myself for my present condition so I feel nothing but shame and guilt. But I have learned that whenever I find myself in this place of brokenness what I need to do is to remember. Remember how in times before – when my pride was shattered – none of it was unnoticed by God. I need to remember …



Since God assured us,
“I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you,”
we can boldly quote,
God is there, ready to help;
I’m fearless no matter what.
Who or what can get to me?
HEBREWS 13:5-6 (THE MESSAGE)



I also need recall that it has been my past experience that …



“Often breakdowns lead to breakthroughs.”
MICHAEL O’SHANNESEY



And then I can reassure myself that …



Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting,
God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along.
If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter.
He does our praying in and for us,
making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves,
He knows our pregnant condition,
and keeps us present before God.
That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives
of love for God is worked into something good.
ROMANS 8:26-28 (THE MESSAGE)



When I remember this promise from God – this Eternal Truth gives me the courage to not lose heart –to not give up – to keep on enduring the journey. May His Word provide you the endurance for your journey when you remember …



So we’re not giving up. How could we!
Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us,
on the inside, where God is making new life,
not a day goes by without his unfolding grace.
These hard times are small potatoes
compared to the coming good times,
the lavish celebration prepared for us.
There’s far more here than meets the eye.
The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow.
But the things we can’t see now will last forever.
2 CORINTHIANS 4:16-18 (THE MESSAGE)



On the Journey with You,
Jan Dravecky

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